Read this article earlier from a man who learned after his wife died that she'd self-silenced & he lacked curiosity & felt he didn't actually know her. I don't think this is uncommon, hence all the "she blindsided me leaving me" guys or men baffled by women's glow-up after. - ThreadSky

jesspected.bsky.social • 158 days ago

Read this article earlier from a man who learned after his wife died that she'd self-silenced & he lacked curiosity & felt he didn't actually know her. I don't think this is uncommon, hence all the "she blindsided me leaving me" guys or men baffled by women's glow-up after.

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hrhangela.bsky.social•158 days ago

I need to read that article and I’m not at ALL surprised there’s a connection between physical and emotional disorders and dealing with lack of curiosity and being shut down by the people in your life.

hrhangela.bsky.social•156 days ago

I finally read it. He moved them multiple times, changed jobs, indulged himself in whatever his latest interest was, etc. without considering her at all. No wonder she didn’t talk to him about anything. He didn’t care. Started dating six months after she died, too…

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

This isn't entirely on men - women learn very early men don't care about our thoughts, our suffering, so we're the actual stoics - but men routinely show little interest in the women they pursue as partners. Are relieved when they shut down & stop trying to have needs met.

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

They'll claim the women they love have vapid interests & dreams, discouraging them from enjoying or pursuing them or even mentioning them to him. They'll dismiss her concerns or unhappiness, declaring women emotional & nags.

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

And then they'll paint themselves as the victims of not knowing their partners are unhappy, of not experiencing their partners flourish after having demoralized them, or watching them find joy & contentment after leaving.

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

Meanwhile the way men invalidate women, especially the men who claim to love them, leading to self-silencing, literally makes women sick. It isn't just settling for a lonely life of one-sided care, it destroys women's health.

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

The author states he married a mother of two because he wanted to be mothered, same reason many men impregnate women (to activate mommy mode). He admits he didn't inquire about her inner life, more interested in the pleasing object. Unsurprising her journal was her confidant.

jesspected.bsky.social•158 days ago

I suspect more women than not settle for being poorly loved. And the worst part is men then use how they destroy women's mental (& physical) health against women to further invalidate them.

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