Man Who Keeps Keys On Carabiner Must Rappel Into Office Building Every Morning theonion.com/man-who... - ThreadSky

theonion.com • 6 days ago

Man Who Keeps Keys On Carabiner Must Rappel Into Office Building Every Morning https://theonion.com/man-who-keeps-keys-on-carabiner-must-rappel-into-office-1819576192/

Comments

seashmore.bsky.social•6 days ago

Is that why he's praying at the copy machine?

glow.garrettw.org•6 days ago

We pray for the machine...lol.

seashmore.bsky.social•6 days ago

No longer raging against it, eh?

glow.garrettw.org•6 days ago

I never did, usually other people do.
They’re complicated.

wallaby-vonwise.bsky.social•6 days ago

adamjewell.bsky.social•6 days ago

He walks right in in the morning, the carabiner is needed to escape at the end of the week.

desertsquatch.bsky.social•6 days ago

He has to rappel uphill both ways

starcadiapower.bsky.social•6 days ago

...in the snow

desertsquatch.bsky.social•6 days ago

With rope made from twigs and left over sinew from last night's catch

wolfdemon999.bsky.social•6 days ago

I feel attacked

filthee.news•6 days ago

Civilization ends not with a bang, but with a Patagonia vest and keys that jingle like hubris.

tjl77.bsky.social•6 days ago

...

I'm trying this now.

cannasprite.bsky.social•6 days ago

so this is how all of us millennials got into work? It wasn’t just me? 😆

mikeinmt.bsky.social•6 days ago

Dammit- I knew The Onion would tag me on something one day. Carabiner keys for decades here.

creativecats.bsky.social•6 days ago

Psst....Carabiners make fantastic brass knuckles.
Light weight, strong, perfect shape and size.... And legal.

swimandsink.bsky.social•6 days ago

Yesssss… any more tips, o sage?

johntoilet.bsky.social•6 days ago

Oh yeah well yeah ok

kennyvgardner.bsky.social•6 days ago

I was this guy. I got a free carabiner keychain from a skateboarding demo, and wore that thing out. I actually did use it to hoist a TV at the department store I worked at in 2003

polish.bsky.social•6 days ago

I feel targeted.

locnar1701.bsky.social•6 days ago

Thank you for actually picturing a carabiner, not a D-ring!!!

ordinarylunch.bsky.social•6 days ago

He’s a top.

minty-mint30.bsky.social•4 days ago

Yeah no he isn't lmao, he looks like a Pillow Princess type bottom

Trust me, I'm bi :3

vreejack.bsky.social•6 days ago

Mine says, "NOT FOR CLIMBING, FOOL." His looks legit, though, except there is still paint on it.

karlachcliffgate21.bsky.social•5 days ago

The lesbians would like a word.

habsu.bsky.social•6 days ago

"I should be hiking every day all day" man adds with defeated spirits

scotsandlit.bsky.social•6 days ago

Saving the environment

crowtwerewolf.bsky.social•6 days ago

I used to have one of those. I had a ridiculous number of keys at my old job.

kilieit.bsky.social•6 days ago

I want everyone to appreciate the quality journalism on display here: This is the correct type of carabiner for climbing, with a screw (?)knut to secure the (?)lever
(i am not a climber but i am a butch)

figuresix.bsky.social•6 days ago

If you’re curious, they’re called screwgates, or “lockers.” You do need them for certain things, but you also use a ton of non-locking ones

kilieit.bsky.social•6 days ago

I am curious!! :D I've only ever done fully guided abseil hehe, so I didn't know any of the proper names for anything 😅 I assume the "do not use for climbing" on keyrings is because they aren't manufactured to the right standards either?

figuresix.bsky.social•6 days ago

Right, the ones you trust your life with are very strong. The worst fall you could realistically take would put ~6 kN of force on the carabiner. Any decent one is rated to at least 20 kN