I keep encountering people who are denying others care because they lack the “capacity” to help.
It’s time to name that this is a weaponization of therapy speak. It’s absolutely wild to respond to a loved one’s request for help this way. 🧵
It’s time to name that this is a weaponization of therapy speak. It’s absolutely wild to respond to a loved one’s request for help this way. 🧵
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My abusive former therapist did something like this to me after I was suicidal. Mind you, I didn't threaten her or her staff. I simply called when I was in crisis, then took myself to the ER to avoid making an attempt. She acted like I was the worst client on the planet for doing this.
Same people or at least same type of people for both, so I wasn't surprised. Grrr.
So that’s the kind of context I’m going to focus on. Emergencies and crises that are met with refusals of care.
- Obscuring the denial of care
- Repositioning the speaker as “compassionate” or “virtuous” in their denial of care (i.e., they can’t help because they “help too much”)
- Implying the help seeker’s needs are trivial or otherwise “less important” than presumed higher priority tasks that filled the speaker’s capacity (which can create shame in the help seeker)
Because it shifts the blame from the denier to the help seeker—and that can actually make it a lot harder for the help seeker to feel comfortable looking for help somewhere else.
But a relationship with a loved one is a commitment you already made. You can’t take it back just because your loved one is facing something hard.