Question. Should you be allowed to talk about someone who caused you immense trauma even after they are deceased? Also if others do not agree with your experiences should they be allowed to tell you not to talk about your feelings? - ThreadSky

trishmenzies.bsky.social • 7 days ago

Question.

Should you be allowed to talk about someone who caused you immense trauma even after they are deceased?

Also if others do not agree with your experiences should they be allowed to tell you not to talk about your feelings?

Comments

ggreenfieldauthor.bsky.social•6 days ago

https://trishmenzies.bsky.social Yes, you can talk about a person who caused you trauma even if they are deceased. They caused you trauma. And, if peeps dismiss your feelings that’s on them. Shame on them for trying to surpress your feelings! If they don’t want to hear, that’s a relationship danger sign.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•6 days ago

It’s my siblings that don’t want to hear it.

ggreenfieldauthor.bsky.social•3 days ago

trishmenzies.bigsky.
Hi… It’s unfortunate, but at times siblings don’t fit the mold of good friends who welcome hearing what’s bothering us. Although they may not want to accept the trauma you wish to talk about as real, they should want to hear what’s bothering their sibling.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•3 days ago

Thanks Greg.

ggreenfieldauthor.bsky.social•3 days ago

Hi, sometimes siblings don’t listen to feelings. It’s unfortunate, but at times siblings don’t fit the mold of friends who welcome hearing what’s bothering us. Although they may not want to accept the trauma you wish to talk about as real, they should want to hear what’s bothering their sibling.

ellen-geneva.bsky.social•7 days ago

My brother died. He was a drunk and a drug abuser. He hurt a lot of people. He brought a lot of people joy. He broke my parents heart. I miss him very much.

All of these things are true. None need to be left out.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

I think it’s exactly that. My siblings got a different parent than I did. Or they were okay letting the neglect slide and saw him with rose coloured glasses.

That doesn’t negate my experience. I should be allowed to speak about my experience and trauma because I still have to live with it.

ellen-geneva.bsky.social•6 days ago

You may just need to give them time. People get cringy when someone first passes.

hellishchildren.bsky.social•7 days ago

Talking about trauma can be a healing experience.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

I think so too. 🥰

seanadb.bsky.social•7 days ago

This can obviously be a long conversation full of various contexts, but in short: Of course, why should one be prevented from discussing facts? That others did not share your experience doesn't negate your experience (and vice versa, if that makes them feel better).

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

That’s what I think too. I’m not making anything up. I am stating facts. Also my siblings had no issue trying to force their ideas about him on me and try to force me to see him when he was alive. They had no problem crossing my boundaries so why should I honour theirs.

seanadb.bsky.social•7 days ago

And FWIW, a *lot* of families have similar dynamics to this due to contentious (we'll put it nicely here) issues.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Eh. She’s a narcissist. She loves saying she’s dad’s favourite.
I’m like and? He was garbage… I never wanted anything to do with him.
My mom is my bestie.

seanadb.bsky.social•7 days ago

It's unfortunate if no one is going to see your point, but at least by making the point, you bring those issues to light. They may never care to hear or may take time to digest, but it's been said, not kept quiet. 👍🏼

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Yeah. Thanks 😊
They told me not to talk about him in their presence.
They didn’t respect my boundaries when he was alive and constantly tried to force me to see him or go to a family function. I’m not going to respect their boundaries now if that silences me from speaking about my trauma.

wild-and-winnie.bsky.social•6 days ago

I still talk about my dead mom and the abuse she put me through. Totally allowed.

wild-and-winnie.bsky.social•6 days ago

The book "I'm glad my mom died" is actually really good. It's about abusive parents and navigating that very strange grief that comes with losing a parent that was hot garbage.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•6 days ago

It is such a weird thing to deal with. Especially when your siblings for some unknown reason think he walks on water.
Rose coloured glasses I suppose.

skepticalsinik.bsky.social•7 days ago

My dad died two years ago and was human garbage and I'm glad he's gone 🤷🏻‍♂️ I don't see why not. They're dead! Can't defend themselves? So? We don't need them to.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

My dad was a colossal piece of shit…siblings worship him 😬

I cut him out of my life at 11yo.
Ran into him while I was in the ER thinking I was dying from my brain condition. He feigned care.

2 months later he served my mom & used my illness against her to try to get out of child support again.

skepticalsinik.bsky.social•7 days ago

Yep, these people don't deserve the dignity and respect they didn't ever give us. It's good to get that shit out, so you don't have to hold that weight inside for them. ⚘️

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

If they didn’t want us talking ill of them after they’re dead… they should he been better people while living.

skepticalsinik.bsky.social•7 days ago

100% accurate 🥂

pete1971.bsky.social•7 days ago

Fuck other people if they're garbage, living or dead. Does death get you a pass from being a shitty person while you were alive? Hitler's dead. If others do not agree with your experiences, they can shut the fuck about your feelings. They're not worth your time.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Sibling said “He’s been dead since 2009, maybe you could let him rest in peace already

I sure hope when any of you lose a parent you don’t constantly have to hear about how shitty someone else thought they were.”

Constant? I don’t talk to her (Narcissist).
I’m not dead & my trauma isn’t either. 🤷‍♀️

pete1971.bsky.social•7 days ago

This isn't about anyone but you. How should someone "rest in peace" when you can't have peace? Sorry, but fuck your sibling. Cut toxic people out until they can become non-toxic, family or not. Family are the first people to fuck you. Do what you have to do for you.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Yeah I’ve gone as no contact as I possibly can with her. She’s a relentless narcissist. I’m glad I’m finally at the place that I have disengaged from her nonsense.

pete1971.bsky.social•7 days ago

So many people just put up with bullshit because, family. That's hardly worth it. We all have our own lives to worry about. That's most important. We just have to deal with life. Life gets in the way of living. Do what you feel you have to do. It'll work out because you know it will.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Thanks friend 🥰

echelm.bsky.social•7 days ago

Of course you should be allowed. From long experience, I can tell you exactly how healthy it is to crush those feelings down and lock them away.
Also, everyone is allowed their opinion, but you are not beholden to anyone! Just because it’s uncomfortable, doesn’t make it invalid.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

Not talking about my trauma has definitely been detrimental to my mental health.

I appreciate that. My siblings flipped out on me yesterday for saying he was an idiot. Honestly that’s tame. I don’t care if he’s dead, I am glad he is.
Nothing will change the fact that he was a piece of shit.

echelm.bsky.social•7 days ago

My coworker went through a nasty divorce from an abusive asshole. Her family is pissed at her because they like him and want her to get back with him.

I just wish people close to you could just listen, acknowledge, and accept how you feel. It’s hard when it’s family making you feel worse.

trishmenzies.bsky.social•7 days ago

At least I have my mom who knows exactly what a piece of shit he was. I talk to her about it. :)

Comments

Posting Rules

Reply