The most insidious form of anti-black racism isn't the name calling of stereotypes, but it's when you're ignored in white spaces, even while you're literally trying to talk to people who react like you aren't there.
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The first time I really *saw* this in public was like realizing I was in the twilight zone. I was at a party sitting around a fire with two guys, and one guy just wouldn't acknowledge anything the other guy said in any way. It took me a second until I was like. Wait, white guy, Indian guy.
Shiiiiiiit. Like I know this is very white, but sometimes I have a little breakthrough moment where it's like holy shit, this is it, this is the thing people have been trying to teach me about. It hammered a lot of things in to context for me and proved useful later on. You're taught not to see this
when you're white until it can be completely invisible, and every little moment that chips away at that mirror widens the cracks, makes it easier to see other things happening. I saw a racist doing it, and then I was able to see misogynists, transphobes, classist people doing it.
I saw this at the grocery store. Store clerk beckoned a white person to the open self checkout register when there was a black person in front of them in the line.
I've experienced this on Twitter trying to be involved in independent art & music spaces. Even as a Black Techno producer/DJ I've experienced this. The "let's just ignore the Black guy cause he makes us uncomfortable" energy that's all too present on social media.
My closest coworker (we are the only two people in our org allowed to work in a system that our state needs things entered in) is a black woman and I try my best to be a good partner. I don’t want her to have to complain about my dumb ass to her hubby or friends. Seems like VERY basic decency.
As a woman, I was stunned at how often men (ostensibly) ignored me, yet went on yo parrot my words. I was not worthy of their respect, only their theft.
ive had people, read men, bodily shut me out of conversations or speak over me at work. rn dealing w AM wholl ignore what im telling him to repeat ad nauseam a request ive already denied.
its insulting behaviour but you have to consider the source at every instance and except some ppl are broken
That happened to me countless times when I was working. I concluded they did not know they were doing it. The thought came back in their head, and they thought it was their own, completely forgetting that it had originally come out of my mouth.
Sad that they got what they wanted. Often (white) people engage in this passive aggressive tactic to manipulate you into doing what they don't have the courage to clearly communicate.
It's nasty, but it relies on unacknowledged insecurities. Master those and you gain the upper hand.
I'm white, my wife is black so our kids are mixed, but they're not close to "white passing."
KC was wild because we had a lot of that low-key racism, and then when we would go to dinner or lunch, we'd often get asked if the check was together or separate. Never happened anywhere we've lived /1
My experience is that when white people ask this they're usually communicating THEIR discomfort with interracial/mixed-race couples and trying to give the pairing an "out".
It can also be a (sneaky) way of trying to assess whether the relationship is "real"/strong or not.
I'm English mixed race and I was stunned to experience this in Budapest back in 2019. Train conductors clised doors in my face , thw hostel wouldn't answer the door and every bus driver looked through my friendly smile.
I did an exercise in college where we recorded a conversation with friends and then analyzed it - Who spoke, for how long. Who interrupted people, and how often did they do it? Who changed the subject. And, me a dude in his 20s, it was shocking how much men dominated conversations, spoke over women
shut women down, spoke much longer and often louder. I was 20, didn't know anything about anything, and it was a legitimately formative moment that brought a whole lot of things in to sharp context. That one exercise gave me a foundation of context for so much feminist theory. And i still catch
I am very sorry to verify this from my own experience in company of friends. The topic of conversation was Sojourner Truth. White friends addressed all observations to me, none to African American Amiga, no matter what the 2 of us attempted.
Not Black, but I see it too in situations at work (Penn State), like meetings or other work-related gatherings. It's pretty easy if your social anxiety isn't overwhelming to go over and introduce yourself in that situation.
That's just fucking repugnant behavior. I used to believe we were socially evolving away from racism (and several other isms) (an ignorance permitted by my own yt privilege) but all around the invisible hood is coming off. Enraging!
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It’s so fun.
Yep.
Conditioning.
As a woman, I was stunned at how often men (ostensibly) ignored me, yet went on yo parrot my words. I was not worthy of their respect, only their theft.
i dont know you so why are you in my face right now?
OR youve shown me who you are and youre not an honest actor, talking to you is a waste of my breath and time.
ive had it done to me in various scenarios.
my response is based on the scenario
its insulting behaviour but you have to consider the source at every instance and except some ppl are broken
whats the criticality of this conversation and of my presence in it?
Most white imaginations *cannot conceive* of Black bodies as anything other than objects to navigate/manipulate or resources to mine/plunder.
Centuries of conditioning are not easily reversed.
We couldn't leave fast enough. Worst place we've ever lived.
It's nasty, but it relies on unacknowledged insecurities. Master those and you gain the upper hand.
KC was wild because we had a lot of that low-key racism, and then when we would go to dinner or lunch, we'd often get asked if the check was together or separate. Never happened anywhere we've lived /1
Our pocket of Texas has been ok so far, but the government keeps lurching way right, so who knows how tenable it will be long-term. /x
My experience is that when white people ask this they're usually communicating THEIR discomfort with interracial/mixed-race couples and trying to give the pairing an "out".
It can also be a (sneaky) way of trying to assess whether the relationship is "real"/strong or not.
Very sad.
I will absolutely be picking it back up.
Thank you for this.