I see where that can be. And that is a difficult problem to fix. Bad actors will find a way around obstacles. It needs to be normalized to call them what they are. - ThreadSky

papayafools.bsky.social • 119 days ago

I see where that can be. And that is a difficult problem to fix.
Bad actors will find a way around obstacles.
It needs to be normalized to call them what they are.

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lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

Actually making excuses to wave away the man's part in a problematic situation, leaving the blame all on the woman, is simple to fix - people can stop doing it.

papayafools.bsky.social•119 days ago

You are correct.

I see these situations not by gender but by age. The older partner can often be a predator and should hold the responsibility.
If it is a situation where both parties are fully aware, not coerced and consenting is it a problem?
If manipulation exists never blame the victim.

lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

It is about age, but gender should never be taken out of the equation since it is predominantly an older man/younger woman dynamic. It is even held up as a good thing that way. Men get "trophy wives", but older women are denigrated as "cougars."

Also, the older man/younger woman dynamic is much
1/

lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

more harmful to the woman than a younger man in the same position. Women are socialized to be submissive to men, so this allows an older man to enforce that more easily & strongly. Not so with older woman/younger man.
2/

lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

Even society harms younger women more than men:"She's got daddy issues." vs "She's got herself a young stud."

Lastly,you can't say it's not coerced when a younger woman doesn't know how societal pressures are affecting her decision,or how experiences in early life affect her, if at all.
/end

papayafools.bsky.social•119 days ago

I see.
To be constructive. How do I add to making things better not contribute to maintaining a bad system?
We my daughter to demand respect and equality. And I want to know what warning signs she can look for from a woman’s perspective.
I’ve told her things I’ve seen toxic men do and say.

lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

Just thought of a specific way you can be constructive instead of the opposite. When discussing the age gap btwn you & your wife, state what you said below instead of "she chose", "she was more mature", and "she helped me."

(Aside: We know she helped you. It's what we do.)
https://bsky.app/profile/papayafools.bsky.social/post/3limmhad5us2k

lyndamagnolia.bsky.social•119 days ago

1. Accept your agency. Accept that BOTH your wife AND YOU chose, not just her.
2. Learn why saying"But she was more mature & helped me" is problematic.
3. Explain to your daughter WHY the toxic things men say are toxic. Not just that they are.

To do this, you need to learn a lot more about
👇

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