Tom Cruise needs an editor. He needs Julia Barton @bartona104.bsky.social in particular. (Spoiler alert, don't read further if you plan to watch this.) (1/8)🧵
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He needed to put a nuclear bomb under London that needed to be disarmed with 10 seconds left on the countdown—and then put another nuclear bomb in a cavern in South Africa, also to be disarmed with 10 seconds left. (3/8)
He didn’t just hang off of one biplane, board it mid-air, and kill the pilot. He had to jump from that plane onto a second biplane mid-air, hang off it the same way, and kill that pilot the same way. (4/8)
The parachute didn’t just fail—it had to blow up in a fiery inferno. The second parachute also failed to deploy, only to be saved by a third parachute we only learn about later when he emerged alive on the ground (5/8).
Tom needed not one but two submarines he had to hang onto in a scuba suit, both of which almost shred him. Then, aboard a third crashed submarine for the heist, it wasn’t enough that each chamber had traps and missiles—the whole sub had to rotate and tumble down a cliff while he was inside. (6/8)
Tom couldn’t just hold his breath for an inordinately long time, which he already did in a previous MI. Now he had to drown and die, float to the surface, be preserved by icy water, and be revived inside a blow-up decompression chamber. (7/8)
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