I hope that doesn't sound hedonistic or something lol, it's nothing like that. More so some form of... loneliness? Self worth evaluation? Seeking approval from others? Nothing quite seems like a right fit. Just feels very basal to who I am, and I need to change that. Need to be more self actualize
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But it's too reliant on other people, and... other people are very... unreliable. Overall I'm just kinda... done with other people these days. I want to find some way to live that is self satisfying, regardless of others
First you have to make yourself realize you do not need this, try to find the reason you want it and you'll find none.