Climbed on top of my tree house, pulled down my pants, yelled "I am colonel penis!" and swung out onto the zipline. Didn't realize it had been untied and I fell 15 feet to the ground.
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I had seen a "colonial penn" insurance ad and thought it was short for "colonel penis". Didn't understand the distinction between 'colonel' and 'colonial'. I was a strange child.
Omg this subthread has single-handedly cured my depression. I was wondering why “Colonel Penis” rather than, say “Captain Penis” or “Major Penis” and I’m so glad I read all replies and found out. I was a strange kid with words too. Knew a lot more than many kids my age but also mixed some up.
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...kidding, I was like 9.