There are certainly things Mikeal understood about me that no one else ever fully could, even people much "closer" to me. And the reverse is likely true as well, though of course now I can never know for sure.
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And likewise, there are things that I'd of course never know about him, and vice versa. Who loses more? The parent? or children? or partner? or colleague? or friend? or distant acquaintance, who lost even the opportunity? Who is more entitled to grief? It's so messy.
In the end, the ring theory is just a rough guide, a reminder that garbage *must* be disposed of, support *must* be given, and grief is a team activity. It's on all of us to honor the mourning, in whatever way we can see to minimize harm to ourselves and others.
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