I've felt I was useless for a long time. One thing I've found to be true over time is that you truly don't know what the future holds. It can very well be worse, but it can also very well be better, because either way the world is full of things out of our control. As much as it might be (1/3)
(2/3) tempting to believe it's all bad out there, there are forces that will make our efforts mean something when they align. I believe if you're doing the best you can, even when your self-esteem makes you think you're not even doing that, that's not being useless; that's being in a bad system...
(3/3) ...that is making off with our efforts unfairly. And that system is too unstable for it to stay the same for a genuinely long time. Again, there are a lot of other people out there. You truly never know how they might change things.
And even if you're proven valuable, it only ever seems to be framed in terms of others' benefit. It's never a give-and-receive in a way that feels mutual. And the fear ever mounts that there's some divine ordinance somewhere that you're meant to be a slave....
I'll be 40 this year, and I'm growing more and more unhealthy—physically, mentally, and spiritually—day by day. My creativity has been in shambles all year, and my relationships are crumbling around me.
It's becoming easier to convince myself that there's no sense in continuing with this pain.
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And even if you're proven valuable, it only ever seems to be framed in terms of others' benefit. It's never a give-and-receive in a way that feels mutual. And the fear ever mounts that there's some divine ordinance somewhere that you're meant to be a slave....
(Or maybe that's just me.)
It's becoming easier to convince myself that there's no sense in continuing with this pain.
Perhaps there isn't sense to continuing. I won't dare ignorantly insist otherwise, no matter how fond of you as a friend I am.
But whatever path you pick, you'll walk it with one dipshit on the web by your side