I once saw a friend's show that was so awful I couldn't bear to stay afterwards. I called him and left a message saying how great it was: "We were really moved and discussed it all night!" Try saying that sentence out loud. It was...a very bad moment. www.nytimes.com/2025/03/31/a... - ThreadSky

markharris.bsky.social • 79 days ago

I once saw a friend's show that was so awful I couldn't bear to stay afterwards. I called him and left a message saying how great it was: "We were really moved and discussed it all night!"

Try saying that sentence out loud. It was...a very bad moment.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/31/arts/art-friendship.html

Comments

mrbeaks.bsky.social•79 days ago

Walking out of a friend's dreadful show at a theater in Dumbo that was a hike and a half to get to, the best I could muster was a an enthusiastic "You did it!" No lies told, and he never asked me to elaborate.

n2thewoods.bsky.social•79 days ago

Omg, people. Don’t lie. I’ve been in shows that were stinkers. Still did my job as best I could. Odds are they want to dish or vent.

kevineggleston.bsky.social•79 days ago

The liars reveal what they actually think of their friends who perform—that it’s for narcissism and adoration. We know when we fail to captivate an audience. I want the truth. Lie to us and we know what you think of us deep down.

visualizingbroadway.com•79 days ago

I'm sure you know Nadia Boulanger's post-show line? She'd take your hands, look into your eyes, and say, conspiratorially, "You know what I think." (I think I read this in q Charles Rosen book.)

timkrauss.bsky.social•79 days ago

I always followed the rule of JUST LIE, especially if you go backstage after the show

You don't need some tricky phrase like "You were so brave!" just lie and say you were great

If a close friend BEGS you AGAIN and AGAIN to tell them what you REALLY think...then you take a breath..

And LIE AGAIN

n2thewoods.bsky.social•79 days ago

No. We know you are lying. Odds are we KNOW the show is a stinker, but can’t vent about it with y’all lying. It’s a job. Some jobs are better than others. Often the little show no one came to see is fantastic and the big show in the snazzy theatre sucks. 🤷‍♀️ Friends are kind, but do not lie. 👍

uncompnmg.bsky.social•79 days ago

My policy is: if I want my compliments to have any meaning, then they shouldn't be given falsely. So I tell friends never to ask me what I thought unless they're actively seeking feedback. If they're seeking validation, go elsewhere. If I liked it, trust me, I'll tell you. And I'll mean it.

kevineggleston.bsky.social•79 days ago

I’m the same way. And when performing, I know. I know if something is captivating the audience or if it fails. The last thing I ever want is a lie. Most condescending thing, and cowardly.

tcdeco.bsky.social•79 days ago

My fall back is always ‘congratulations!’ And they can take that however they wish.

steveparkinson.bsky.social•79 days ago

we often discuss what's the worst thing to review for a friend (if it's bad):
Book
Screenplay
Band
Play
Movie
Standup.

I think the answer is 'Standup' because it's immediate and they're looking right at you. The rest you can take a run-up at the lie.

allyourscreens.bsky.social•79 days ago

Stand-up was the worst. Early in my career, a group of us drove from Chicago to St. Louis to audition for the guy booking The Funny Bone. I had a catastrophically bad set. Then had to sit in a car for 8 hours with three other people who killed and got bookings. Words can't describe the experience

maggiejean-2.bsky.social•79 days ago

Was the show terrible, or the friend terrible. "You were a beacon in the light of darkness."

thefienprint.bsky.social•79 days ago

Standing ovation, though?

markharris.bsky.social•79 days ago

My often-repeated (and very often argued-against-by-others!) feeling about this is: Yes, if everybody else is standing, it costs you nothing to stand. You're applauding the effort of a hard-working cast. Your focus in that moment should be on your appreciation, not your opinion.

thefienprint.bsky.social•79 days ago

Oh, I know! You've told me a couple of times! (Never meanly.) Twas just a wee joke.

markharris.bsky.social•79 days ago

I'm definitely in the "Did I say that here or only on Twitter? Should I say it again? Will anyone care? Ahhh, fuck it" phase of my Bluesky experience.

thefienprint.bsky.social•79 days ago

Entirely reasonable. And it's unfair to ask anybody to remember all of the individual people they've shared their standing ovation ideology with over the years. [On my most recent London theater trip, I think I participated in the standing ovation at each show. Only once reluctantly.]

markharris.bsky.social•79 days ago

I will admit to standing and applauding soundlessly on rare occasions.

kg1968.bsky.social•79 days ago

"You looked like you were having so much fun. And I loved the set"

jfassler.bsky.social•79 days ago

It’s so painful having to do that. The only thing I can say in those moments is “I loved it” because that’s all they really want to hear.

giardinierapgh.bsky.social•79 days ago

You say, “You were wonderful and I’m so glad I got to see you in this show.“ That’s it.

It’s kind of like telling a mother that her baby is cute even when it’s not. You say it to be kind.

dannybowes.bsky.social•79 days ago

I always fell back on "it's a really thought-provoking piece, still gathering my thoughts!"

solomongrndy.bsky.social•79 days ago

Be brutal and honest. Don't be a p*ssy.

cdmilton.bsky.social•79 days ago

A friend was on the receiving end of one of these comments. She acted in a show and when she asked a friend what she thought, the woman said,”It was … interesting.” My friend who was in the show burst into tears.

pmurray63.bsky.social•79 days ago

"Only you could write/act/whatever like that!"

restlessjack.bsky.social•79 days ago

Makes me think of Terence Davies' movie Benediction, where Sassoon has to think of something to tell a friend with a terrible play and comes up with: "You've done it again!!!"

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