54donwood.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

54donwood.bsky.social

We drove into the drive-in and we didn’t have to pay because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet https://youtu.be/KcTqVZ1qENc?si=a42P2Be8U4XpKkla

34 posts 91 followers 136 following

Posts 46 Comments 2

I wholeheartedly agree that we should celebrate this joyous moment, but as Winston Wolf teaches, “Let’s not start ess-ing each other’s dee’s quite yet.” The mission is not complete, the next chapter cannot begin until Nico Harrison has been launched into the Sun

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Jesus then spoke, hands aloft, behold as I remove mine own thumb And lo, His digit did slide with ease from its rightful place toward His finger's tip

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

“I am directing the Bureau of Prisons to use all 850 Joann locations to house America’s most ruthless and violent Offenders,” Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social theonion.com/trump-v...

submitted 12 days ago • 105 comments

me: i’d like a raise boss: do you deserve it? me, trying to figure out if i deserve to live: give me a minute

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

just eat the bay leaf. nothing matters.

submitted 12 days ago • 30 comments

🎵HEAD LIKE A HOLE, BLACK AS YOUR SOUL🎵

submitted 17 days ago • 173 comments

ME: time to sleep BRAIN: (after 45 minutes of thinking about how similar the words horse and house are) paper is the sliced ham of trees

submitted 18 days ago • 7 comments

[looking at pictures from 20 years ago] wife: ugh, i can't believe i used to wear- me: hey, i still have that shirt!

submitted 18 days ago • 4 comments

I have a memory like one of those big grey things you know the ones I mean.

submitted 18 days ago • 20 comments

Confession: I always want to cut my grass lower than I should. -Saint Augustine (373 A.D.)

submitted 21 days ago • 2 comments

the greatest story ever told

submitted 20 days ago • 33 comments

I may be the last person in my family who will ever know how to do the humpty hump

submitted 23 days ago • 12 comments

You've gotta be a world class dumbass to trade Luka Doncic.

submitted 26 days ago • 82 comments

Clown, by Georges Rouault, 1912

submitted 29 days ago • 31 comments

JESUS: holds up bread this is my body holds up wine this is my blood holds up hotdog this is a sandwich lol JUDAS: ok that DOES IT

submitted 30 days ago • 11 comments

JESUS: take this and drink it JUDAS: hey thanks bro JESUS: for it is my blood JUDAS: does spit take what the FUCK

submitted 30 days ago • 3 comments

INVENTOR OF PREPARATION H: pulls Preparation G out of butt and throws it in the trash okay this time for sure

submitted 36 days ago • 7 comments

Pharmacist: may I help you? Me: Can I see the menu, please?

submitted 165 days ago • 24 comments

And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”

submitted 43 days ago • 35 comments

The title “Sleepy Hollow” describes me twice.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

in Australia, the ceiling is lava

submitted 54 days ago • 11 comments

god has turned his back on you, Linda. Or died. Either way there will be no (gestures to needlepoint) ..blessing of this mess.

submitted 52 days ago • 2 comments

submitted 58 days ago • 23 comments

The headstone says a goat is buried here but the skeleton looks human? - archeologist digging up Tom Brady in 700 years

submitted 58 days ago • 1 comment

It’s been 6 weeks. Fxck you “Get over it.” I‘ll get over it when Nico Harrison is chased out of the city by a torch wielding mob

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

[peanut butter factory] BOSS: okay keep crushing these nuts until they are smooth and creamy ME: (about to invent crunchy peanut butter) yeah sure okay

submitted 81 days ago • 17 comments

Asked a friend how it's going and they responded "bad but I'm used to it" devastating

submitted 80 days ago • 249 comments

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Sorry I'm late. I just learned a valuable life lesson about silicone garage door lubricant

submitted 82 days ago • 4 comments

Pope Francis Left In Hot Popemobile | Onion News Network Pope Francis is in critical condition after being left in the backseat of a hot Popemobile, which was parked outside a Vatican City convenience store for nearly an hour while members of the Swiss Guard "ran in to pick up a few things."

submitted 82 days ago • 65 comments

How do we sic DOGE on the Dallas Mavericks front office?

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Accomplishment 1: I personally masturbated over 100 Bald Eagles and used their semen to artificially inseminate woke birds with MAGA-approved avian offspring

submitted 84 days ago • 11 comments

[calendar naming committee] BOSS: how should we spell the second month GUY WHO SPELLED WEDNESDAY: i have an idea

submitted 84 days ago • 6 comments

[job interview] CHEF: what do you bring to the table WAITRESS: is this a trick question

submitted 84 days ago • 10 comments

it happened again tonight. i was driving around in my toilet truck, minding my own business blasting my favorite album “flushing sounds from a toilet” and people out of nowhere started throwing piss at it. i don’t know what makes them behave like this. spread love not hate

submitted 84 days ago • 4 comments

Hate it when my friend traps me under a cup then slides a piece of paper under it and throws me outside. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get into your house?

submitted 84 days ago • 21 comments

no the three staffers left at yosemite aren't yosemite sam, foghorn leghorn, and tasmanian devil. that isn't true

submitted 84 days ago • 96 comments

you tellin me a rat atou'd this ille

submitted 88 days ago • 4 comments

There’s nothing in the Bible that says a dog can’t play basketball

submitted 90 days ago • 6 comments

ME: see you later alligator CROCODILE: the fuck you just call me MRS. CROCODILE: just leave it harold he's not worth it

submitted 90 days ago • 11 comments

chicken crosses the road the road vows to get revenge

submitted 91 days ago • 3 comments

went to the soft open for my buddy’s new pizza shop and the menu was on lock

submitted 92 days ago • 71 comments

Spring break gon be wild this year

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Amid all the discourse of a front office being so wrong/out-of-touch with a fan base, I’d just like to point out that #Studio41 brass has finally come to their senses and put @ktfuntweets.bsky.social in a host chair. #aLoneStarEmmy4Kevio

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

LAWYER: where were you on the night of the murder ME: in the desert LAWYER: and who were you with ME: a horse LAWYER: and what is the name of this horse HORSE: (from back of courtroom) does throat cut motion ME: uhhh he didn’t have one

submitted 97 days ago • 25 comments

Never so hyped for a #RoundballTalk epi. turns playback down to 1x

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments