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alexjsquire.bsky.social
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I had plans for tomorrow that I was so excited about but they fell through and now I'm so excited

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

one may surmise a robot's favourite meal is beep boopguignon

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

i know the top of my foot like the back of my hand

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

of all the balls you could come in like, you chose wrecking?

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

my family wants to have brunch at pickle barrel so i'm thinking of going non-contact

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

well, it happened i shazam'd a song and it was harry styles

submitted 30 days ago • 2 comments

people should be their true selves accept who YOU are *except

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

a bubble tea party is a boba fête

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

your mom 🤎

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

benjamin entertainment hana

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

recorder groupies are called hot cross bunnies

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

imagine you and all your buddies die in a storm and everyone is like wow The Perfect Storm

submitted 49 days ago • 9 comments

Maybe the Ontario Liberals could take notes from this election and do things like tell the public who their leader is and promote their platform in the media

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

🚨Warning: Looters! 🔥 #climatechange #globalwarming #lafires #climatecriminals

submitted 51 days ago • 4 comments

New comedians shouldn't watch other new comedians. You're learning from people who aren't good.

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

dating app for twains to meet

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

I love my trans friends every day and anyone who talks shit about them is my enemy for life

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

i used to be a cool guy until a minute ago when i got ketchup on my shirt

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

"be patient with me" - dr hulk

submitted 82 days ago • 1 comment

i want to get prescription sunglasses so i can see better and also worse

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

shrek isn't really that much like an onion. he's more like a guy, or a ogre

submitted 87 days ago • 4 comments

Hannibal Buress said comedy is in its mumble rap phase and I can't stop thinking about it

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

Four months ago the receptionist asked "Mondays are good? Three o'clock?" I said "that's perfect" and she said she'd call with a reminder. Great. Anyway, that's why I'll be spending my 50th birthday getting my teeth cleaned.

submitted 109 days ago • 0 comments

fuck this shitstain province, i hate you all

submitted 111 days ago • 0 comments

tried to sell two ice creams with like two chewing gums in it for nine pound. got nowhere with that

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

every single stand-up host is like "i'll just do five off the top, i wanna get out of here" and then does half an hour

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

the snow really highlights how much dog piss we live among

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

feeling like an old man on the sandwiches subreddit bc everyone calls dagwoods "scooby doo sandwiches"

submitted 122 days ago • 0 comments

If Toronto can do this for suburban driveways, we can do this for pedestrian intersections and transit stops too.

submitted 124 days ago • 3 comments

do crop tops exist outside of toronto comedy?

submitted 124 days ago • 0 comments

This is something @maritstilesndp.bsky.social and @bonnieforontario.bsky.social should be on, daily. Doug in Musk's pocket is not "fighting" them. The ads should be about all the things he does EXCEPT his job. Months long vacations, meddling in municipal affairs, international trade.

submitted 125 days ago • 2 comments

saw a sign that said "proudly made in Ontario" and it was for pork rinds

submitted 127 days ago • 0 comments

ok webster, first thing i'm looking up is "concise"

submitted 127 days ago • 0 comments

There are people who buy tickets to comedy shows just because they want to hear someone say slurs into a microphone. That's a category of comedy show ticket buyer. And when they feel safe, and are given what they want, they will cheer way louder than the people who love jokes.

submitted 128 days ago • 0 comments

i know i'm going to be downvoted into oblivion for this but not guilty your honour

submitted 130 days ago • 0 comments