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alistairbarrie.com
Comedian, allegedly. New special 'Woke in Progress' out now on ITVX: www.alistairbarrie.com
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It is quietly amusing that after a generally agreed catastrophic 14 years in power, less than a year after being roundly told to f*ck off by the electorate, the Tory reaction to today’s news is to believe screaming ‘BETRAYAL!’ is a better look than thinking ‘maybe we should have got a better deal?’

Sorry? “They were saying they were going to get a deal before they even got into the room. That’s not the way to negotiate.” That’s exactly how to negotiate you ludicrous forehead. Display good faith, give & take honestly, it pays off. Or - bluster, lie, & end up with a car crash. Ring any bells?

I mean it’s a disgrace. We’ll be using olive oil, putting garlic in our food, parmesan on our alphabetti spaghetti and ice in our drinks next. Cultural vandalism! 🇪🇺

Weirdly, Tortoise Media, I preferred The Observer when it didn't send me an email every day.

Genuinely think these headlines are likely to backfire further on the ever shrinking minority still wedded to the Brexit ‘project’. Every poll shows the majority believe it was a disaster. Anyone not wanting to travel through airports more easily or allow their kids more mobility is clearly batshit.

No wonder the Tories are imploding. Their present stance has all the charm & charisma of a mid-life crisis man ditching his wife & kids for a younger model, who then ran off in his car with her personal trainer and all his money while he sits in a Travelodge claiming to be the real victim.

Interesting to watch Farage defending the benefits of a Brexit he himself has admitted is a failure. Apparently we’ll be ‘rule takers’. Because breezing through passport control and youth mobility are just AWFUL aren’t they Nige? 😡 Congrats on the mental gymnastics you foghorn claret cord spiv.

Absolutely delighted to be appearing on this on Radio 4 tomorrow. Should be of particular interest to anyone with an opinion on the care sector. Although of course I don’t actually think of myself as a carer - just a parent. Or a hostage. 😊 www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Good for him. Note interviewer Oliver Brown’s transparent bias. The Times and the Telegraph hate it when interviewees don’t agree

I’ve been working tonight, so missed all the excitement, but judging from my timeline it strikes me the Eurovision debate has now entered the ‘leave it Terry it’s not worth it’ stage of proceedings.

Yup. Step by shatteringly slow and tedious step we begin to claw back those ridiculous inconveniences that were really all Brexit was for most people, rather than having the balls (or the opportunity) to admit we made an idiotic mistake based on lies and incomprehension. Just rejoin already.

There are A LOT of Crystal Palace fans in London tonight. And police. 😊🦅

Quality bit of FA Cup final commentary on 5Live: Clinton Morrison - “He can travel round the world, come back on Thursday and be the fittest player on the pitch on Saturday. They just don’t know where he gets his energy from.” John Murray - “This is the Colombian left back…”

Lovely thread. Think it’s time to treat my wife - (selflessly, obvs.)

As a former comedian, I do think Vlodymyr Zelenskyy is missing a huge PR trick by not opening his press conference with the words ‘Vladimir Putin’ and then simply doing an extended chicken impression for a good ten minutes. 🐓

This has made me laugh a lot more than it…should.

Second week of May and I’m sunburnt again. Beginning to wonder if Starmer has pulled off a stunning coup with the Winter Fuel payment in the knowledge it will never be needed again and pensioners could use a little extra crash before fizzling up in the January heat.

Big self-tape deadline. Spent all morning on the script. Followed by hours of technological howlers - corrupted film/editing disasters/mike fail/reshoot/upload failure etc. Pretty sure the main reason you don’t see many older performers these days is they’re technically incapable of auditioning.

Did so yesterday.