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allhailjerry.bsky.social
Headache. Big Boss Human: @riversidecasino.bsky.social Contributor: ‪ @sorrowscopes.bsky.social‬ @greenevillezoo.bsky.social‬ @cloverkisscinema.bsky.social‬ My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/allhailjerry.bsky.social/feed/aaafaaongqdyc
1,593 posts 6,080 followers 400 following
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Posts 46 Comments 2

The fact that I’m on anyone’s radar like this is pretty gobsmacking.

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

In a 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court rules that “hamberder” is the correct spelling. Justice Kagan writes “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my covfefe” in powerful dissent.

submitted 16 hours ago • 2 comments

Mike's Hard Artichoke Dip

submitted 8 hours ago • 2 comments

Ripley's Believe It or Fuck Off.

submitted 586 days ago • 0 comments

I'm legit scared of a zombie apocalypse. Can you imagine, there will almost certainly be no wi-fi

submitted 10 hours ago • 15 comments

whenever the drive thru worker repeats my order i get embarrassed and start denying everything

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

I’m valet-parking private jets at the Bezos wedding this weekend. Lots of weird stains in these things!

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

air quality so toxic today it's just been appointed to the supreme court

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

Disappointed to find out the catering vans in front of my neighbor's house are really FBI vans.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Tired of paying for insurance so I think I'll just be real careful

submitted 9 hours ago • 6 comments

Hard to believe that, had he lived, Louis XII would've been 563 today.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

Did you know that Giant Tortoises also have a great memory? And they know what you did last summer, Gavin!

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

Your bologna does not have a first name or last. It had many names. That's how animal processing works. Good morning and happy Friday!

submitted 14 hours ago • 6 comments

i asked poseidon if he wants to fuck but hes just waving me off 🌊

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

My son’s upset because I flushed his goldfish down the toilet. I should’ve just lied and told him it was dead

submitted 1 day ago • 14 comments

Due to listeria and general disgust concerns, the Bobbing for Dentures event has been postponed.

submitted 2 days ago • 50 comments

conversely butter can’t believe it’s you

submitted 2 days ago • 15 comments

ICE agents have a totally legitimate concern for facing threats like doxxing and accountability if they don’t illegally wear masks. A workable compromise: oblige them by law to submit to biometric QR identification tattoos or brandings that can be scanned when they’re on the job. Easy and simple!

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

They tried to tell me my English degree was worthless and yet none of those haters can read a book and write a paper about it in 10 to 14 days

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Trust my gut? The very thing that burns my heart?

submitted 2 days ago • 9 comments

can't wait for conservatives to discover that I voted for Mamdani twice: once as a she and once as a her

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

At this point, I'd be okay with being eaten by a xenomorph if it meant I could first be put into a 500-year cryosleep and launched into space.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

*makes bed* enjoy your new outfit, mattress.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Sad news, my best stink bug “Brian Douglas Wilson” has decided that he won’t be attending the wiener roast this weekend.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

We can’t legally call it a “Toy Story Experience,” but the hotel does have a room where toys will come to life and scream at you about Nietzsche.

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

Fun parody accounts to help distract from all this shit go.bsky.app/Hnfv7Mc

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Sometimes you don’t see what’s right in front of you, sometimes you see what’s missing, sometimes you eat spaghetti out of a big red bowl

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

You never quit being a ferris wheel operator, the only way out is death

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Come join me for lunch at the Trough of Despair.

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

I had a Stephen Miller fan follow me. Which had to be Stephen Miller. Only possible fan

submitted 3 days ago • 25 comments

C-3PO will rat you out to ICE.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

Booing the Costco lady giving out shitty samples

submitted 3 days ago • 30 comments

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Maybe it’s time I get back out there and buy another houseplant to kill.

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

How often does Bob Dylan think about vampires?

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

If I were God, I would simply populate reality with a sublime set of objective facts and immutable truths that I would then catastrophically obscure by locking all instruments of observation inside a box of consciousness whose only outward lens is a continually mutating veil of hypersubjectivity.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

"Take A Selfie With A Zebra" prices fluctuate daily. Scan a zebra with your phone for current rates.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

The river witch has gotten really into steampunk. Please be nice during these difficult times.

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

We're all here because We're doing so good mentally

submitted 4 days ago • 29 comments

I want these but for my enemies so they know I’m still holding a grudge.

submitted 4 days ago • 62 comments

Tropical depression is just like normal depression except I ate this entire fruit tray

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

BREAKING: codebreakers have finally solved the Zodiac’s final cypher. After years of studying and many (MANY) attempts, experts have agreed that the decoded message reflects Zodiac’s last will and testament. it reads: ANDREW CUOMO FOR NYC MAYOR 2025

submitted 4 days ago • 54 comments

To comply with new community anti-DEI regulations, we'll be showing The Crying Game this weekend minus one surprising moment. Ding dong!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Why do the characters in JAWS not simply defeat the shark in the marketplace of ideas?

submitted 7 days ago • 76 comments

i'm not voting until i know who harvey weinstein endorses for mayor

submitted 5 days ago • 14 comments

Fantasizing about a Flight Attendant yelling "Is there anyone aboard who can pill a cat!?"

submitted 5 days ago • 12 comments

Statistical Process Control to Major Tom... we need to circle back re: your key performance indicators.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments