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asstownbakery.bsky.social
Asstown resident and owner of the Asstown Bakery. My shins go on for inches. One of these days I will jump through my own asshole. Anxious and sexy. Skeets: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaonwhdmx2o2
2,670 posts 3,586 followers 1,061 following
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Posts 43 Comments 7

We're like 3 tweets away from Trump bringing up Elon's botched penis

submitted 8 hours ago • 40 comments

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

I think the only time I’ve been more excited by something happening on the internet was when the bored teenaged orcas were regularly tipping over yachts

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

I haven’t seen so many people this energized since that ship got stuck in the Suez Canal

submitted 8 hours ago • 5 comments

I have been recently inspired to write a book about a man with a magic piss bottle.

submitted 160 days ago • 8 comments

How sad it is that someone that has all the resources of the greatest country in the world has to have a 60 million dollar military parade on his birthday to tell the world how small his dick is.

submitted 4 days ago • 138 comments

I peruse other people's skircles like I'm going to magically appear but it's the first time I've seen this person and have never once interacted with them.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

According to AP, the typical pay package for S&P 500 CEOs rose to $17M last year — an increase of 9.7%. At half of the companies surveyed, it would take the median worker 192 years to make what the CEO did in one year.  This is what I mean when I say the system is rigged.

submitted 3 days ago • 308 comments

Enlarging my ass to a size previously thought impossible by ass scientists

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

when I get lost in butthole Bluesky I don’t want to be found

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

Expounding the virtues of a high fiber diet to the cool teens at the skate park while I pull off a perfect kick flip.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Peasant ancestors who farmed mud for 35 years before dying of scurvy shaking their heads as I once again wait for friends to text back

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Well you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make that horse remember to charge her vibrator

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

An important life skill to develop is the ability to not have an opinion on a thing. This is because there are many things which it is not necessary for you to have an opinion on. A related skill is recognizing that the list of things on which an opinion is required is different for everyone.

submitted 9 days ago • 16 comments

I want an AI to throw literally all of my email away including anything about itself Tell me, does the technology exist

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

I love envelope art so much I even decorate some mail bills I pay, sorry that’s a little dumb

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Damn this drag Queen’s pussy is snatched for the gods MAN it’s fun to be high sometimes

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

“My ass or a hole in the ground: a memoir”

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

How to people deal with this world and not end up like having constant anxiety attacks Asking for a friend who is me

submitted 17 days ago • 26 comments

Thinkin about boners again everyone

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve never had a boner are they any good?

submitted 20 days ago • 12 comments

I’ve been so miserable lately I’m genuinely worried I’m at risk of losing my silly goose certification.

submitted 18 days ago • 20 comments

Roy Donk?

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

Jesus these drag queens’ pussies are on fire right now hot damn

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Omg I love letting my daughter play with my makeup it’s so friggin cute 😍 i don’t care if it’s expensive

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

some of y’all acting like we didn’t see your penis in 2018

submitted 18 days ago • 4 comments

I feel KoolAid man hog week isn’t catching on? What’s wrong? #koolaidmanhogweek

submitted 18 days ago • 22 comments

Do you guys like to be recipients of mail art or no?

submitted 18 days ago • 5 comments

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here putting together a playlist like it’s actually gonna fix me this time.

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

If I were a fabulous drag queen I would for sure take my titties off first at the end of my shift god damn

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine thinking that God is grossed out when his creations have sex with each other lol, nah he is titillated

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

I have the biggest sloppiest grossest crush on this man lololol I smile a lot lately 🙄😍

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

That bag of dicks was for the whole table, Sharon.

submitted 148 days ago • 1 comment

Getting high and organizing my washi tape

submitted 19 days ago • 2 comments

LOL I threw my bra to my gentleman caller tonight so he could read the ridiculous size on the tag this is not a brag at all I am very high and feel awkward

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Bigger than a horses’? I like that sound of that

submitted 19 days ago • 2 comments

OH MY GAWD I am ALL OVER this gentleman caller like hiking up my skirt showing him my ankles and shit goddamn

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

Oh goddammit my date’s eating all the fully loaded nachos

submitted 19 days ago • 3 comments

When the IT guy takes over my computer remotely

submitted 20 days ago • 227 comments

Three hours left before I have to polish up these big floppy naturals for the neighboring town’s prom

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

just remembered this exists and did a lil cry m.youtube.com/watch?v=BHkh...

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

everyone....make sure you look at the gorgeous Flower Moon tonight and try to remember that we are all just little shitposting bugs sitting on a rock hurtling around the sun trying to figure out why we all love la croix so much

submitted 24 days ago • 1 comment

You guys it's simple, we all just need to pool our resources together, and purchase an even MORE expensive private jet to bribe the President of the United States to do socialism.

submitted 24 days ago • 24 comments