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astrostomp.bsky.social
Quack Fu master, ska enthusiast, harsher of vibes
454 posts 138 followers 377 following
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The Trump administration is renaming military bases after Confederate generals, which means my ex was wrong, some people still love losers

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

“I did all for Tanooki” - Fred Durst playing Super Mario Bros. 3

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

“I did it all for the cookie” - Muppet Fred Durst

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Trump stopped an Israeli plan to kill Iran’s supreme leader, he reportedly didn’t want people to know killing leaders is something you can do.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

It should’ve been Mike Love

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Gonna pass out flyers for my comedy show at the protest today

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Growing up in the 90’s, one riot will always be king

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

“Don’t worry it’s not my fist rodeo” - cowboy proctologist

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Emo kids love going to the deli because of all the cold cuts

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

If we’re not allowed to give them cocaine, why do they call it a baby bump?

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

As nicknames go, I think Billy is the greatest of all time

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Gonna make a monument to the lack of Canadian Prog Rock bands called Mt Rushless

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Denver is treating 16th Street like my hometown in the early 2000’s. They got rid of the mall.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

I fixed my broken German beer mug with pieces from other ones and now it’s a frankenstein

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Gonna make a sequel to Chariots of Fire called Burnt Chariot Drivers

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

His first day of being Pope, Leo needs to sexually assault the biggest, meanest kid in the yard to assert dominance

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

Pretty sure a hundred guys couldn’t beat the band The Gorillaz much less a real one

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

“It’s beer o’clock somewhere” - an alcoholic explaining time zones

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

The CEO of Charles Schwab has announced that they will start investing in crypto. He also said all future investments will be decided by astrology and he fired his doctor in favor of a chiropractor

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Pretty sure I could beat off a 100 gorillas but I’m not making eye contact

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

The Vatican received a message from Stanley Tucci that just says “I’m available”

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

World mourns as head of international pedophilia ring dies

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

To celebrate 420 the pope got hella high (heaven)

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

Pope Francis died on Easter Sunday. Pulling, what many experts are calling, a “reverse Jesus”

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

“This tastes like shit!” - a dog enjoying their meal

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t know if a salad could understand Andy Warhol’s art, but I bet a soup can

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

An orca admiring the vocals in a metal song- “Man, that’s a killer wail!”

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

“I herd that!” - agreeable sheepdog

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t know much about World Quantum Day but if our country would stop supporting a genocide that would be a pretty super position

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

In happy news, Katy Perry is going to space on the Blue Origin rocket. In sad news, Katy Perry will be returning from space on the Blue Origin rocket.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has said his tariffs are the medicine needed to heal our country. He then asked how to crush up and snort a tariff.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

23 and Me is filling for bankruptcy. Maybe they should’ve tried a little 23 and Us.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

At least one of those pilots had to be Bottom Gun

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Two people were found dead and another sexually assaulted at a Salvation Army shelter in Denver. Salvation Army? More like US Army!

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

It’s Mr. T’s busiest day of the year

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

I didn’t learn how to gaslight until I was in my 30s. But it’s like they say, better manipulate than manipunever

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

Trump tells NBC news “there are methods” for seeking a third term. Mostly involving a fake mustache and his long lost twin brother “Ronald”

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

Barron Trump turned 19 today. 19 is also the number of small animals he strangled to celebrate

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

Louisiana has just executed its first inmate with nitrogen gas. It was also the first time Louisiana executed someone in the parking lot of a Phish concert

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Trump had BLM Plaza dismantled. Apparently he was upset that Melania spent all her time there and only let Trump Plaza watch

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

After she got her PHD my controlling ex joined Doctors Without Boundaries

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

I could never be in an orgy, I’m horrible at team sports

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

South Carolina is set to have a man executed by firing squad. The S.C. Department of Corrections said, “It’s way cheaper this way. We’re just gonna make him teach at any school in America”

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

Trump better be careful with this speech, if he bashes trans people anymore than he already has, Dave Chappelle is gonna accuse him of stealing his jokes.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

Republicans have been advised to avoid in person town halls. The chair of the RNC reportedly said, “Treat them like a hooker and don’t look them in the eye while you fuck them”

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

if i ever stabbed a roman consul to death i'd say something way cooler than "thus always to tyrants" i'd be like,”I have no original thought of my own and repeat things I saw on a Tik Tok"

submitted 107 days ago • 1 comment