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bestestname.bsky.social
Bluesky is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
1,478 posts 8,465 followers 1,346 following
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Posts 47 Comments 2

me: good mourning fellow guest at wake: thank you, it's not my first funeral

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

I don't know what superfluous means but it sounds good thanks.

submitted 23 hours ago • 2 comments

If you think some new slang is awful, just wait one more generation and the kids will agree with you

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

Me: thanks for shrinking my head, it’s going to save me a bundle on therapy Witch doctor: lol

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

"Always be true to yourself" is the fastest way to get arrested

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

I would walk barefoot over hot koalas for you.

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

chicken drumsticks imply the existence of chicken drum kits

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Think my therapist hates me. That, or she just says she does.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I would describe my drag as a really slutty Bea Arthur

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I would like my entire personality to become the slow blink of a cat.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Yankee doodle doesn't know shit about pasta.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

sorry I thought carbon dating was a hook up site for old people

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Someone should invent a third hand

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

haircut

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Pretty shocked when my therapist told me the number of Likes you get on social media is actually the only true measure of one’s value as a person

submitted 2 days ago • 17 comments

Tired of paying for insurance so I think I'll just be real careful

submitted 3 days ago • 19 comments

son: it's MY toy! daughter: no, it's MINE! me: you both lay claim to this toy? I shall chop it in two and give each of you half son: AWESOME! daughter: YES! me: no, that's not... kids: CHOP IT! CHOP IT! CHOP IT!

submitted 3 days ago • 32 comments

SCOTUS has ruled that you should stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself lol lmao

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

lucky for you im terrible at murder

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

my mom gave me mine for free

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

What ever happened to that wall he was going to build?

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Baseball would be better if the announcers cussed

submitted 5 days ago • 16 comments

I know my rights! Chocolate frosting is a condiment.

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

Some of you write too many words.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

If I was a movie character, I would be way better at things

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

actually he was just a pretty good gatsby

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

Jesus take the wheel was not the right answer to any of those questions at the DMV

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

“timeline cleanse,” I whisper to myself as I swan dive into a wood chipper

submitted 7 days ago • 16 comments

Other than the firing ceasing, the cease fire appears to be holding up.

submitted 7 days ago • 4 comments

"I'm not bitter," he bittered.

submitted 7 days ago • 4 comments

I do not relate to your post

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Applications now open for full-time tits calmer and panty unbuncher.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Dumbass is making George W look competent.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

They should sell gift cards that look like scratcher tickets, so the person you give them to thinks they've won

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Tarot is just Magic the Gathering for hot people

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

"Keep oil prices down" Oh shit. My bad trying to drive my son to soccer as you fuck the world.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

History isn't supposed to repeat this quickly

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Throw water at your neighbours.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

It's not the heat It's the humanity that'll kill you.

submitted 7 days ago • 17 comments

DATE: So what do you do? ME: I race cars. HER: That’s so cool. Have you won many races? ME: No, the cars are much faster.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

We should settle all international conflict by making the leaders fight a gorilla

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Doom scrolling is just called scrolling now

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

I use pain to mask the humor.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

I did not read your card. Thank you for the scratcher ticket.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

You look like the kind of person who just eats *A* slice of pizza

submitted 10 days ago • 23 comments

I don't think I will ever enjoy a tiny piece of sausage as my dog. Especially not off the floor.

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

Won my first cage fight last week. That budgie didn't stand a chance

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment