brenfdan.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

She makes me want to be a better business bureau.

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

VETERINARIAN: This is the hardest part of my job. You've given Clifford a long and happy life, and I know he loves you very much. It'll all be over soon. loads rocket launcher

submitted 772 days ago • 4 comments

And padre, when you baptize me in this river, baptize me all the way until I’m in heaven

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Who up fighting they gorillas?

submitted 45 days ago • 13 comments

a bidet with a windshield wiper feature

submitted 54 days ago • 21 comments

they should make a jesus tracker like they do for santa or new years so you can be like oh shit he is risen in sydney

submitted 56 days ago • 5 comments

at confession reading my bangers to the priest asking if god thinks this is funny

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 144 days ago • 39 comments

I recommend being wrong once in a while. It's very good for the worst parts of your ego

submitted 92 days ago • 17 comments

one great mystery of our age is how the only way to motivate rich people to work is to give them loads of money for no reason but the only way to motivate poor people to work is to take away loads of their money for no reason

submitted 96 days ago • 42 comments

They called him Sleepy Joe because we could sleep at night.

submitted 96 days ago • 1089 comments

Tinker, Tailor, Soulja Boy

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

It’s true what they say, SILICA GEL “DO NOT EAT”

submitted 102 days ago • 4 comments

I don’t know if you’re prepared for the absurd tonal rollercoaster of this NBC network schedule promo from 1982…

submitted 105 days ago • 14 comments

I wasn't born yesterday. I was born last week.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Ope, I'm walkin' heeere!

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

According to sources, I'm on one

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

If you’re in line to scream into the abyss, stay in line!

submitted 107 days ago • 4 comments

Please tell me I'm not the only one who comes up with a fake reason for why I can't buy the free sample item at Costco.

submitted 106 days ago • 1 comment

I finally got a Costco membership again. My impulse control is lacking and my money is in danger. I have so much tortellini.

submitted 107 days ago • 98 comments

Jogging with the devil

submitted 111 days ago • 3 comments

First goes, your honor

submitted 112 days ago • 0 comments

i’ve been listening to the grateful dead since i was kid mainly because i want to hear how this song ends

submitted 126 days ago • 28 comments

The next Bond movie will be titled "Time to Die Mister Bond, Handcrafted Artisanal Film Movie for Men – Perfecf Christmas Gift and Funny Realistic Spy Gag, Harmless Entertainment Prank for Kids and Adults, Realistic Vanilla Scent 7.9 Ounce Motion Picture (Pack of 1)"

submitted 114 days ago • 7 comments

You, 6ft tall, full head of hair: i cant get into these crevices im too big and they snag my hair. Me, 5'6 and bald, emerging from a crevice: yeah I wouldn't know, man

submitted 741 days ago • 3 comments

Cashier: Would you like a receipt? Me: No, thanks. Cashier: SECURITY! POLICE! This man just stole all these groceries! Me: But I...but I just paid for all of this. Cashier: Prove it.

submitted 122 days ago • 4 comments

Babe what's wrong? You've barely touched your Gulf of America.

submitted 121 days ago • 0 comments

There is no i in gaslighting

submitted 123 days ago • 28 comments

there's a golden frog in the swamp that will grant you a wish if you kiss it, provided that wish is swamp sickness and/or infected lips

submitted 122 days ago • 2 comments

explaining in job interviews that while I have no formal education or relevant training I possess an intuitive silent way of knowing like the buddha

submitted 128 days ago • 10 comments

I only like you for your good looks and charming personality. I'm just in this for the sex & emotional intimacy. It doesn't go any deeper than hanging out and forming a long-term bond based on friendship, trust, and shared interests. You're just a hot body attached to someone I care about deeply.

submitted 122 days ago • 0 comments

The threatening gas station sign isn't real. The threatening gas station sign can't hurt you.