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cadencockburn.bsky.social
web master @ local library
1,345 posts 300 followers 83 following
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Posts 27 Comments 23

in high school i casted bane of knowledge on my teacher and it gave him total amnesia, rendering his brain akin to a newborn’s

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

tired of being unable to stop gob? try this wonderful little product called gobstoppers

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

a chimp owner’s worst nightmare is when they charge at you and scream NO

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

no-clipping through my mattress and speed running a full night’s sleep

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

these sheldons keep getting younger but we stay the same age

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

“need gone”

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

lil wayne should rebrand as The Wayne Mini

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

when your skin flavored vape is burnt it tastes like scar tissue

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

i watched my juice dealer get shot in the street by the los angeles soda king

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

average youtube shorts experience

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

who is the roger ebert of rate my poop dot com

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

peter pancreas flew through my window and took me to nevergland

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

damn i didnt know that

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

that one friend in the friend group who only eats carrots so everyone calls him rabbit lips #friends #friendgroupsbelike

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

handing my plastic surgeon a picture of blippi and saying you have five hours to make me look like this

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

i make 80k annually at the totino factory and my only job is to put a tally on the whiteboard every time i see a rat jump into the sauce vat

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

getting booed off stage at Hilario’s Comedy Club for humping a married stool

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

getting a job at the dollar tree for the employee discount

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

tired of the machine thinking it knows better than me

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

in 2050 the most popular boy’s name will be Radar and for girls it will be Chexie

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

president biden screenshotted my snapchat story of a duck attacking my son

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

the domino effect is when you get organ failure from eating their pizza

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

if i could do covid over i would’ve been first one to sell bras made of N95 masks

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

i would beat superman in a dick sucking contest

submitted 14 days ago • 1 comment

my family left the old country because we were irredeemably ageist

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

facetiming mcdonalds ahead of time so they can make my custom burger based on what I look like

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

remember david after dentist? that “boy” is now forty and just uploaded david after vasectomy

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments