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carlitohayes.bsky.social
Carlito Hayes: Comedian, Writer, Musician (Death Metal) Cheese Whiskey and Metal Unhinged ADHD with a touch of 'tism'.
51 posts 17 followers 15 following
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Posts 28 Comments 22

A fun joke about fastfood #standup #fastfood #chipotle #nyc #arbys #coupons #diarrhea #comedy #standup #jokes

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

"Kids say the darndest things" or "kids tell it like they see it". Yeah, but they also said "never grow up". So why when I do it I'm just an asshole. #fyp #life #logic #comedy #rickandmorty #question #kids #internalmonologue

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

How to avoid headaches? Don't ask questions. #standupcomedy #nyc #human #logic #livedestroyed #comedy #truestory #yes #or #no #answer #question #life #dontaskquestions

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Just doing some #crowdwork #fyp #comedy #nyc #standup #standupcomedy #goodvibes #panteratshirt #divebar #bar #barshow #cheers #crowdcheers #silly #jokes #funny #fun #reupload

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Just me minding my business in the #hairsalon. Nothing to see here. #nyc #meninwomensspaces #comedy

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Come out tonight to the 10pm at Greenwich Village Comedy Club 99 MacDougal.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

"Black Monday" you say? Good thing I bought all these Cobra Coins.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Elmo is communist now? Welp... I'm done with y'all.

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone mad at Bill Burr for taking shots at a billionaire forgot we collectively hated the wealthy from The Great Depression until Reagan.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

People don't talk to me and I don't get why. 🤷 #fyp #text #meme #comedy

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Me: I eat Skittles one at a time. Her: (pulls panties back up)

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

If it ain't like this I don't want it. #happyvallentine'sday

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 114 days ago • 0 comments

Me on Twitter: para Espanol marque cinco.

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

I love watching people get owned on the internet.

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

Ourbus is wild for this. Happy Black History Month I guess...🤷

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

I need to rewatch Demolition Man. Instructions unclear #seashells #cleaning #poop #bathroomdecor

submitted 123 days ago • 0 comments

If the Doomsday Clock is right we won't need to worry about Medicaid. Just make sure you stock up on condoms. You don't want babies when you're hiding from mutants in an irradiated wasteland during Armageddon.

submitted 123 days ago • 0 comments

Dear internet. Some of you need to log out and go make friends outside. This used to be a fun place and now it's just the news part two. Stop it.

submitted 124 days ago • 0 comments

Her: Death by 'snu-snu'? Me: N...yes.

submitted 126 days ago • 0 comments

On today's episode of: I Saw It and Now You Have To See It. Bad tattoos no. 522:

submitted 126 days ago • 0 comments

Watching Ghostbusters: Winston: This job definitely isn't worth thirty five a year. #inflation

submitted 130 days ago • 0 comments

Looks like SpaceX's Starship didn't 'star'. 'Unscheduled rapid disassembly'? Just say it blew up, because it fuckin' blew up. We have eyes. Fire and pieces? We all know what an explosion is. This is worse than "catastrophic failure", yeah you mean 'it's not supposed to do that'? No shit.

submitted 135 days ago • 0 comments

I won't be buying the Nintendo Switch 2 since Motorola announced a wearable phone. I can just shove it up my ass and literally be "play with power"

submitted 135 days ago • 0 comments

I submit "This Is Why People Don't Talk To Me: A Documentary"

submitted 140 days ago • 0 comments

"how normal people use the internet"... I wonder what search histories would reveal about 2020.

submitted 141 days ago • 0 comments

Stopping by to thank everyone helping, supporting or encouraging friends, neighbors or brave safety and firefighters out here and there… Back to it.

submitted 141 days ago • 52 comments

Why does it bother me that people pronounce "th" as 'f', don't know the difference between "there" and "their" or that if Spock were real he'd be known as the 'dickhead nerd with no friends' because he's always pointing out that nothing humans do makes sense? #logic #language #scifi #nerd

submitted 142 days ago • 1 comment