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chrisdolancomedy.bsky.social
Writer. Comic. Borderline boomer. Here to make jokes and not much else. Oscar winner Kate Winslet touched me multiple times but never spoke a word to me. True story.
161 posts 52 followers 64 following
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Florida raised the legal age for smoking & vaping to 21, angering thousands of 20-year-old Florida high school students.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Trump is just frustrated because Melania hasn't wrapped her legs 'round his velvet rims or strapped her hands across his engines in 20 years.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When the Adderall lets you down.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Tesla profits drop 71%. They're calling it the Electric Slide.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Somebody out there gets 4 servings from a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Somebody. Not me.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Trump thinks iPhones should be made in America. Apple says it would take years to build factories, and even longer to find thousands of Kentucky 12-year-olds smart enough to work in them.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

Don't ask me where he finds the time for senior club golf tournaments in-between bodybuilding competitions

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Saw 'Accountant 2' ... After Accountant 1 didn't want to cheat on my tax return!!

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Hooters filed for Chapter 36D bankruptcy.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

I follow my urologist on social media. DikDok. (..gotta go..) #DadJokes

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

It's a TV show where Google CEO Sundar Pichai discusses my Incognito Mode browser history and Elon Musk shares Social Security numbers

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Video killed the radio star. Now it needs to do something about the podcasters.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Happy Opening Day to Major League Baseball and Hallmark Christmas Movie Season

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

I was so broke in college I couldn't afford PBR. I had to drink PHM* . Which was better than drinking PP** . *Pabst Honorable Mention **Pabst Participant

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

Starbucks ordered to pay $50 million to a man after his genitals were scalded by hot tea. Starbucks plans to appeal, claiming it wasn't his drink, since Scalded Female Genitals was written on the cup.

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Writing a 'Come From Away' sequel where Americans are stuck in Newfoundland after a 2025 terrorist attack in the U.S. It's called 'Get The F**k Out Of Our Country Immediately Or We Throw You in Jail You MAGA Assholes'

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

"My high school nickname was 'The Telemarketer..'" "Cause you were always closing the deal?" "No because every girl asked to be on my Do Not Call list."

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

I am so pale, when I visited Hawai'i they told me my local name was Mela'a noma'a

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Watching 'A League Of Their Own'....when Betty Spaghetti finds out her husband died. RIP Sgt Spaghetti. Join my mailing list for more shitty jokes about 32-year-old movies

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Lent is for suckers. Don't give up a thing. Cheeseburgers taste better on Fridays.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments