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crabbydaddy.bsky.social
CrabbyDaCrab from Twitter architect, single dad, crabby while in season we have one race: human. be kind. 🏳️‍🌈
5,274 posts 1,396 followers 1,618 following
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Posts 37 Comments 13

A big beautiful break up.

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

I think I'm over this being human thing

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

I put my thing down, flipped it, and reversed it. This was not covered by insurance.

submitted 18 hours ago • 10 comments

My house would be so much cleaner if you could pressure wash indoors.

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

What if we started biting people and they stopped being dumb.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

Flopsy, Mopsy, Narcolepsy and Cotton-tail

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

School’s out so it’s time to send our most precious gifts from god off to the rec center every day to make pipe cleaner animals with local teenagers

submitted 23 hours ago • 3 comments

First date idea: No

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment

Some days you're tired of people. Other days, people wish you'd nap longer.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Posthummus award. For service to hummanity

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

Murder, she cross-stitched

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

I skeet about tits to keep the lights on for my oscillating fan jokes

submitted 23 hours ago • 8 comments

“Hamlet” except now it’s Omelette and he agonizes over fillings while the line gets longer behind him

submitted 23 hours ago • 10 comments

Idk, just follow me around with a shovel and bury me where I fall.

submitted 21 hours ago • 3 comments

you rarely hear about secular moly.

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

One of my kids called it, escape goat, and I always hope it gets away.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm against my better judgement.

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment

I just called another driver a dummy so consider this a warning to watch out for me and my road rage

submitted 18 hours ago • 4 comments

i’ll rest my bitch face when i’m dead

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Kinda hope god smites me today. I deserve a good smiting.

submitted 18 hours ago • 24 comments

I have a cat so yes, I think I’m qualified to give you parenting advice

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

don’t bully me i already bully myself enough

submitted 19 hours ago • 7 comments

This might be the absolute greatest reply we have ever received. Thank you, Cookie Monster 📕🍪💙

submitted 19 hours ago • 225 comments

Now you're just a pfp that I used to know.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Mycology: the fungi frontier...

submitted 20 hours ago • 5 comments

You are appreciated, @sirstrange87.bsky.social 💞

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

"...so anyway, that's why I'm worried about the future of Krypton" [heckling voice from the back] MORE LIKE BORE-EL AMIRITE

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

[on a first date] So, my mother is really excited to meet you.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Common sense is like deodorant—the people who need it most never use it.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

The homicide detectives were stumped. Not a footprint in the snow, no DNA, not a trace of human activity - yet the victim had been clearly stabbed in the back.

submitted 19 hours ago • 3 comments

A dad sneeze so powerful, they have to adjust the 10 day weather outlook.

submitted 19 hours ago • 13 comments

I get my cardio workout in by trembling from anxiety

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

Loving me now means dodging the landmines my ex left behind. Good luck, babe. I hope you brought snacks.

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Kudos to the bird that managed to shit an image of itself onto this bloke's car.

submitted 1 day ago • 457 comments

Rocks and rolls with butter and gravy.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Always the scapegoat, never the goat

submitted 22 hours ago • 11 comments

them: butterflies flitting together around each other in the flower garden me: moth in the closet chewing on an old sweater that smells like dog

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment