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deadseriousmick.bsky.social
I faked all my skeets Find them here https://t.co/ImF3a96wDH
1,757 posts 4,008 followers 779 following
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Posts 40 Comments 5

This is not Illinois.

submitted 5 minutes ago • 0 comments

wasps don't sting me, and I don't sting them either

submitted 6 hours ago • 9 comments

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 yrs of housework in 30 minutes

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Look, it’s a shitshow out there, but don’t ever stop motorboating. Ok? Just don’t stop motorboating

submitted 5 days ago • 11 comments

Are you an alarm clock? Cause I’m about to smack you on top of the head to silence you

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

I was driving the I-40 east last week thru that mountain pass during a heavy rain. Do not recommend.

submitted 14 hours ago • 2 comments

Me, in the front yard, watering the new seed and the baby rabbits, living my best denial.

submitted 14 hours ago • 3 comments

My only regret is that I didn’t always value my integrity as I do now.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

and on the longest day of the year

submitted 23 hours ago • 1 comment

on weekends we touch grass, drugs, and/or try to remember the names of our friends on bsky. that's why it gets quiet

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

I'm kinda a birthday scrooge, but you motherfuckers really warmed my heart today. Thanks everyone 🥰

submitted 1 day ago • 56 comments

In a grocery store asking what aisle has it for the human heart when all the signs and arrows say this way to what goes in the human bag. "Trying to be as general as possible. It's for a little carrying thing, more heavy casual than up both arms."

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Back in my clippings you took an extra current event from the newspaper just for the like of your life forgetting theirs and they always did, because your like meant "nothing important to remember so I guess I'll solve the red love side of this Rubik's cube"

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

[getting wrestled to the ground] WHY DO WE REFRIGERATE MILK IT'S WARM IN THE COW [punching noises]

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I dream of simpler times when the only thing that divided us was how we hung our toilet paper

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

You won’t know I’ve won the lottery but there will be signs. I’ll lie about, eating cheese until the only way I can move from room to room is by rolling through on logs.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Pulling out the sewing machine. It's time to make mama a mumu.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Breaking: My strength of will.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

What could be more ironic than a democracy voting itself out of existence?

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Funny how listening to Eric Burdon singing about the spiritual dangers of a brothel always makes me want to go to one.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Don’t get mad at me. You’re the one who told the oompa loompa he could stay here a few days.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

You can make that cruise ship commercial as glamorous and fun looking as you want, I ain't getting on it.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

You’re in his DMs… Omg, me too!

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

If you have a breakfast hack and the first thing you grab is a loaf of white bread, you might be the hack.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

my bones scream at each other every day so yeah, older women ARE sexy

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

are you there god? it’s a-me, mario.

submitted 22 days ago • 3 comments

From now on whenever a man at the bar asks me if I'm married, I'm going to tell him, "Only to The Lord."

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Don’t mind me over here becoming the queen of bad decisions.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

You do not know how to account for the sudden inheritance so you blurt out "It's the inheritance! No a different definition you will have to forgive me, I just looked it up!" All three definitions have the face of jealous siblings. "Dictionary. It always did love you best."

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

When a nest of baby bunnies grows up and leaves your yard, the normal way to handle it is to plant a normal monument. And any good normal monument will be a cicada birthing center to honor those baby bunnies.

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

Crosses out "The mouth of the river how it yawns" and writes as downward as an aspiration can get "water toothpaste and coffee, maybe a trout with listening eyes to capsize given up boats in the tub"

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

An entire sitcom plot in the 80s could be there was an orchestra on a train and everyone was confusing each other talking about the conductor.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

I have more followers on here than the Vice President of the United States.

submitted 3 days ago • 12 comments

Accounting should be in the 2036 summer Olympics.

submitted 3 days ago • 7 comments

When life seems on the attack, remember the moments that made you smile when you doubted you ever would again. And smile. You've got this.

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

was mumbling out loud and someone across the room asked what I said and I told them not to worry because nothing intelligent was being said from my side of the room and they smiled and I smiled and it was so beautiful and true because my thoughts are rarely anything worth hearing or repeating

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

new migraine treatment just dropped

submitted 3 days ago • 49 comments

running around the wild west complaining I'm the rowdiest cowboy but hey why didn't anyone teach me to ride a horse

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

Juniper berries, or as I like to call them, future gin.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

I am mostly just a poltergeist here, not a real part of the family, listening from the sidelines, undetectable until I knock over an antique vase with a boob.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments