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disgruntleddino.bsky.social
Sometimes I write love notes, sometimes I fart... Sometimes they're the same thing. A Museum of Fuckery @timberbams.bsky.social is the Selma to my Patty, the Maverick to my silly Goose
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My sanity is a tightrope walk away and I am clumsy.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Barbarian was the first movie since Scream to fuck me up with a misdirect. I saw Drew Barrymore and thought, “Final girl.” Same with Bill Skarsgård—“This motherfucker is giving Norman Bates vibes. Run, bitch, run!” Both times the movie said “nope” and flipped everything.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

why stop at carrot cake? here have some asparagus pudding you sick fuck

submitted 116 days ago • 120 comments

Time is funny when you're caught in a spiders' labyrinthine web trying to make right from left whilst tangled in their web of lies.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Old meme, but I'm getting a laugh out of "months"

submitted 80 days ago • 62 comments

Having gotten to the point as a species where people boast about never having enough time is sad. Saying proudly that you’re so busy with work and actually believing that is what a successful life is supposed to be is even sadder.What is life if not time? The glorification of busyness is bullshit.

submitted 82 days ago • 10 comments

It is because of that time he shuffled like a penguin when he tripped isn't it?

submitted 80 days ago • 1 comment

She has movement, she has grace I can see her sitting on my face.

submitted 194 days ago • 0 comments

popular? no, I don’t do that

submitted 81 days ago • 4 comments

Excited for my 401k* *401,000 reasons to go live with wolves

submitted 141 days ago • 2 comments

Him: Your body is like poetry Me: That's so nice! H: A haiku M: ... H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom M: Just stop

submitted 82 days ago • 8 comments

when Billy Corgan said “the world is a vampire” I felt that shit

submitted 85 days ago • 3 comments

reverse sidesaddle because I’m a goddamn lady

submitted 86 days ago • 4 comments

let it be known that i do not participate in april fool’s day so if i post something ridiculous today it is in full seriousness lol

submitted 83 days ago • 2 comments

anyone: Your TL is fucking garbage. me: *blushing* I’m glad you like it.

submitted 83 days ago • 3 comments

My corporeal form exists merely to be a Museum of Fuckery.

submitted 84 days ago • 1 comment

getting hit by a bus because i think it's a big fuzzy cat with fucked up hands

submitted 85 days ago • 201 comments

Shitposts come and go, but cilantro is forever.

submitted 84 days ago • 3 comments

Me: Terrible decision: hi

submitted 88 days ago • 2 comments

live, LOVE LESBIANS

submitted 86 days ago • 2 comments

you can drive without brakes if you want, there's nothing stopping you

submitted 206 days ago • 28 comments

Someone in my neighborhood got a damn rooster... I mean good morning.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Found a gnat in my coffee, got it out and demanded he spit it out. No one steals my coffee... 😒

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Office romances rarely work out but I wish them well

submitted 89 days ago • 22 comments

Masturbation: it's good for the soul

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

Me and my signature move, jacking off a ghost

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

I wouldn't tell anyone I had become a mathematician but there would be sines

submitted 215 days ago • 19 comments

Don't mind me, just blowing bubbles with bong water

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

Say my name baby, say my name. -- Me waiting for my coffee at Starbucks.

submitted 92 days ago • 5 comments

🎶oh girls just wanna go ho-ome, oh, girls just wanna go home 🎶

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

(Me, doing anything requiring all of my concentration) My bladder: I HAVE AN URGENT MESSAGE.

submitted 92 days ago • 4 comments

You guyssss! This lady on the interwebs says if I buy her program I'll get back that bikini body that I've never had!!!

submitted 92 days ago • 3 comments

Life is my supervillain origin story.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments