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introvert2u.bsky.social
I just play an extrovert because I have to, otherwise just go away..please.
73 posts 579 followers 100 following
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Posts 47 Comments 0

If the clown has a problem with Spain, it means that Spain must be doing something right.

submitted 21 hours ago • 2 comments

I do have abs. They're just introverts.

submitted 8 days ago • 9 comments

Idk who needs to hear this, but Spain is in Europe and Paris is not a continent, it's the capital of Italy.

submitted 12 days ago • 10 comments

I could be funny, smart, or insanely hot, but I chose the path of humility.

submitted 19 days ago • 6 comments

Always carry a spare "fuck" even when you have very few left.

submitted 28 days ago • 4 comments

Have box, will fit!!😂

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Every morning I pass the airport on my way to work and think: what if my bills just figured themselves out?

submitted 29 days ago • 8 comments

Why do they keep adding more stupid buttons to remotes? No one uses them because no one knows what they're for.

submitted 32 days ago • 17 comments

The fire doesn’t really stop, it just doesn’t have a place to burn right now..

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Call your senators. This bill is heading to them next and they can stop it if the people speak out. (202) 224-3121

submitted 37 days ago • 385 comments

A smutty bookstore called Happy Endings.

submitted 39 days ago • 65 comments

You’re always my Trinity..

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Of course it's over simplified it's a skeet and that's the point

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

Of all the nicknames I’ve had over the years, my least favourite has to be ‘the accused’.

submitted 41 days ago • 6 comments

i’m not always a trainwreck. just kidding, toot toot.

submitted 47 days ago • 6 comments

*uses blinker when driving off a cliff*

submitted 47 days ago • 8 comments

Do you really have insomnia or are you just ignoring the fact you were built to be a vampire?

submitted 47 days ago • 11 comments

At 20, I’d hear a weird noise and stay up all night with a weapon. At 40, I just turn off the light and hope whoever it is finishes the job.

submitted 47 days ago • 11 comments

He’s a ten, but wears compression socks during sex.

submitted 59 days ago • 11 comments

If running has taught me anything, it’s that I have the hips of an old German Shepherd.

submitted 147 days ago • 12 comments

Welcome to your 50's. Now you yell at the TV when someone uses a metal spatula on a nonstick pan like an absolute maniac.

submitted 47 days ago • 14 comments

I see that many of you genuinely love salad, so I feel obligated to share my family’s secret for upgrading it: -Step 1: Add steak -Step 2: Add potatoes Yw

submitted 48 days ago • 6 comments

My toxic trait is saying "we’ll see" knowing damn well I already saw and the answer is fuck no.

submitted 52 days ago • 3 comments

My left hand is so useless, I call it Mister President.

submitted 55 days ago • 3 comments

If life were fair, I’d be the one deciding who gets to drive and who absolutely shouldn’t.

submitted 57 days ago • 6 comments

Somebody give him a popsicle to get him to stop talking about Alcatraz.

submitted 49 days ago • 3 comments

Eating a salad as a kid: Ew, gross! Eating a salad as an adult: Ew, gross!

submitted 48 days ago • 10 comments

the list of people you're willing to tolerate decreases greatly after 40

submitted 105 days ago • 36 comments

Don't confuse my weakness for kindness. I'm only polite because my dog is watching.

submitted 58 days ago • 9 comments

My husband was all romantic and whispered “I sleep with one eye open because of you.”

submitted 130 days ago • 4 comments

I hate when people talk to me and I have to ignore them.

submitted 74 days ago • 6 comments

You must be confused. I was being nice, not engaging.

submitted 85 days ago • 2 comments

I like your enthusiasm, so I’m going to loosen your restraints.

submitted 116 days ago • 4 comments

You smell like ham. hmu

submitted 60 days ago • 7 comments

People say that they want you happy, that doesn’t mean that they want you satisfied..

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

When I said I have a beach body, I meant I have a beach AND a body.

submitted 60 days ago • 11 comments

Fuck politics. Let’s make out.

submitted 155 days ago • 7 comments

I'm a method skeeter writing this from the sewer

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

I like to imagine that my reply guys are either Statler or Waldorf.

submitted 62 days ago • 15 comments

"just wait til you're 60!" no, I don't want to wait I want to be miserable now

submitted 62 days ago • 1 comment

Some days you’re fine. Other days you’re just that lonely suitcase going in circles on the baggage carousel, long after everyone’s gone home. And somehow still spinning.

submitted 63 days ago • 5 comments

If by free thinker you mean nobody has given me a penny for my thoughts then yeah, I'm a free thinker.

submitted 64 days ago • 2 comments

I know a lady who creates a Go Fund Me every time someone in her family has flatulence

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

People say “you’ll never find someone like me” like it’s a threat, not the goal.

submitted 64 days ago • 4 comments

Jesus: It is finished. Mary: You did it wrong.

submitted 67 days ago • 3 comments

I told my mom I can sexualize anything and she said, “When I was young, everything looked like a dick to me.” Guess we’re just two penises in a pod.

submitted 68 days ago • 7 comments

Finding a man who doesn’t lie to keep you is an epic quest. Your sword is sarcasm. Your shield is crippling distrust.

submitted 68 days ago • 13 comments