itislilmel.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Books are a total scam. Every single word is already in the dictionary—they’re just selling them back to you in a different order.

submitted 152 days ago • 180 comments

My mom has placeholders she uses when she can’t think of a word or phrase. Here’s my favorite: “the Christmas man” in place of Santa.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

For every doll you deny me I will push another jet off an aircraft carrier

submitted 11 days ago • 168 comments

Oh my god you want me to find "evidence" before putting someone in jail? Every time?? Do you have any idea how long that would take

submitted 32 days ago • 144 comments

submitted 52 days ago • 5 comments

Y'all are weak. "I want to be able to afford food." "I need money for rent." Grow up

submitted 40 days ago • 52 comments

everybody at the hospital is asking for my date of birth and if i’m sexually active like come on guys let’s try to be a little more subtle about planning my surprise party

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Your tariff rate is your star sign divided by the number of boys you've kissed, multiplied by one

submitted 45 days ago • 409 comments

submitted 44 days ago • 12 comments

How about you Switch 2 studying the Holy Bible

submitted 45 days ago • 337 comments

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

I love the computer because my friends are there but unfortunately it's also where my enemies are

submitted 58 days ago • 36 comments

The main difference between Musk and Hitler is that the volkswagen was a reliable, reasonably priced vehicle.

submitted 59 days ago • 25 comments

There's honestly no better photo for the modern day US than this.

submitted 65 days ago • 4 comments

I had a dream that I was passing a school in a strip mall (?) and I see Jon Hamm using one of those manual scales where you move the weights around and balance, but he wasn’t actually on it, so it read zero. I gave him one of these 🤏🏻 and mouthed “skinny” at him and he chuckled and shook his head.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Well at least we tried our worst

submitted 66 days ago • 21 comments

You’re about to leave the grocery store without the milk you came for when you hear that little voice: Joan, you must save the nation of France

submitted 690 days ago • 9 comments

When we helped other countries they used to give us cool stuff like the Statue of Liberty, or the Korean Bell. Now the president gets a cheeky little gold pager and a pat on the tush from every movie villain.

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

They're saying "Here comes the airplane" when you can see plain as day that it's a spoon. They're playing you for a fool. They're laughing at you

submitted 70 days ago • 78 comments

me: i'd like to buy that jacket for my girlfriend store clerk: the double breasted one? me: yes that's her

submitted 101 days ago • 28 comments

I will never haunt a man after I die because there's no way I'm continuing to do excessive unpaid emotional labor in the afterlife

submitted 149 days ago • 38 comments

Babies are so dumb they try to use magazines like ipads. Yeah all 72 pages of that issue of Time are touch screens. It cost $36,000. Idiot.

submitted 88 days ago • 5 comments

and on top of everything else my call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system

submitted 87 days ago • 1 comment

My how the tables have turned. Looks like a Kennedy will be killing US for a change.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

One-man off Broadway show where I perform 1200 classic Vines back-to-back over two hours

submitted 88 days ago • 44 comments

I got that dog in me (I’m scared of the doorbell)

submitted 90 days ago • 64 comments

My boyfriend is watching Conclave standing up, pacing, yelling at the tv like it’s sports.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number- Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you Ye are many-they are few. - Percy Bysshe Shelley

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

At last, a health secretary who’ll do something about miasma

submitted 93 days ago • 135 comments

I should only get benefits from living in a society. If I also have obligations that's communism

submitted 96 days ago • 28 comments

I've built a machine that can be Confidently Wrong. It can also make pictures that all look a bit the same, as well as make a video of you kissing any celebrity or person you know. In payment, I'd like to boil the world's oceans dry, & steal all literature. For some reason, my head is not on a spike

submitted 114 days ago • 87 comments

nothing makes more sense than charles darwin marrying his first cousin despite being at the forefront of genetics and evolution. incredible hubris on display….. “that’s true for you, not for me” personified

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

CORPORATE DEI WEBINAR: If you meet someone from East Asia, you should avoid asking "So which kind are you?" JACUZZI DEALERSHIP OWNER: Well, that's it. Time to start the Fourth Reich.

submitted 100 days ago • 78 comments

submitted 105 days ago • 7 comments

I would say 911 dispatchers provide a valuable service but it would be ok to criticize them if you called them and instead of sending an ambulance they said "Someone should do something about this!" and hung up

submitted 105 days ago • 89 comments

60s band name: The Dogs 70s: Sturm Und Dragon 80s: Roger and the Gang 90s: Squee 00s: Disease Kids 10s: Weasel Farm 20s: edward jockey (5 people)

submitted 106 days ago • 6 comments

Buncha weak ass little boys, afraid of folks puttin' pronouns in their email signatures. Grow the hell up.

submitted 106 days ago • 14 comments