jackboot.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

jackboot.bsky.social

Some rando. I shall occasionally be reposting my old crap from the other place. If that's gauche, sue me. I only have so many thoughts. My thingy-doos: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:x7c6xlcylaorwzbms2xlzjpf/feed/aaacjsujdyxeu

1,308 posts 6,687 followers 247 following

Posts 40 Comments 9

At my funeral I want everyone to blame themselves, scream "Why, WHYYYYYYY?!" and fight each other trying to climb into the coffin with me.

submitted 601 days ago • 4 comments

I would have watched Real Housewives if it was more like Game of Thrones and they would have occasionally and suddenly beheaded one of the main characters.

submitted 604 days ago • 6 comments

I don't go camping. I can't sleep at night knowing I locked my front door with a zipper.

submitted 610 days ago • 4 comments

Dali : You see, the melting clocks represent... Me : I know. It's not that complicated. What else ya got?

submitted 615 days ago • 0 comments

I bought a sex unicycle at a garage sale. I brought it home, and it turned out it was just a regular unicycle with "Sex Unicycle" written on it with a Sharpie.

submitted 135 days ago • 11 comments

Plush piranhas. A metaphor for something I'm sure but I'm too tired.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Oh sweet summer child I am older than your little emojis

submitted 3 days ago • 21 comments

don’t like to brag, but I often go to the hospital with my banjo to sing to the patients regardless of their condition or their constant requests that I stop

submitted 6 days ago • 7 comments

Some people regularly go through their coffee mugs, and thoughtfully decide what to keep and what to toss, but I have a different method. Stuff the cupboard until it's bursting, and let the universe decide.

submitted 28 days ago • 10 comments

I will never understand why women don’t support one another. The women I know are strong, beautiful, stupid whores

submitted 27 days ago • 8 comments

I’ll try to be a good person, but I’m certainly not going to be nice about it.

submitted 13 days ago • 6 comments

Still in the past life section of a bookstore waiting for everything to yellow and fade and for the air to turn brittle for the cat to stop counting. "If you're not going to buy anything" oh, I bought it all. The future is in dust settling and writing "wash me" on the back windows of forever.

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

the undeniable satisfaction of telling someone to get well soon when they're not sick, they're just an asshole

submitted 694 days ago • 0 comments

If a friend gives you some constructive criticism, time to find a new friend

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

When someone tells me way more than I need to know I just filter out the uneaten flakes and get a less extrospective fish

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Mario is always running around castles, driving a go-kart, playing tennis, shit like that. Awesome. Maybe after your lunch break you could fix a toilet or something you fucking degenerate

submitted 6 days ago • 6 comments

Ponce DeLeon looking for the fountain of youth in Florida is like trying to order a salad at KFC

submitted 16 days ago • 8 comments

Hey Kids, another life hack from ol' Uncle Jack: - You can finish quicker if you do a bad job. You're welcome.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

- It's obviously a dorsal fin. Did you really need ME to tell you that? - Well, doctor, I didn't have it yesterday.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

I can't wear hats. I look ridiculous. But sometimes, when I'm outdoors and the sun is beating down, I put one on to suit my wife. I don't mind looking like an idiot. I mind people seeing me and thinking I think I look good in my hat. I can hear their thoughts. "Nice hat, Indiana."

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

New notepads at work. Wide-rule. I am free. I am unstoppable.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

But they’re third in unsolved homicides. www.nbc4i.com/news/data-de...

submitted 3 days ago • 22 comments

It’s un-American ☕️

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Turkey is the vegetable of meats.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

I love Conan. I love Twain. I love this. youtu.be/Yr8qPKTo8yA?...

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

There was a time when people wasted away from melancholy. This was back when doctors knew fuck all.

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

I only cry into paper napkins with scalloped edges.

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

One hint you're not booked at a four star hotel: when you check in at the front desk, they hand you your sheets and a bar of soap.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The seething rage behind each one of my skeets is implied

submitted 13 days ago • 8 comments

Like a 17 year cicada, I spend most of my life underground emerging only to grow wings, scream my ass off, and get busy

submitted 8 days ago • 9 comments

I can’t seem to shake this existential feeling of despair, dread, and impending doo-oh look a hummingbird

submitted 7 days ago • 9 comments

Imbue? In this autonomy?

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

Of course, it was wrong of Norman Bates to kill Marion Crane & Det. Arbogast. But when I saw how they both exited their vehicles by sliding across the seat and using the passenger door? Kinda had it coming.

submitted 25 days ago • 4 comments

My mom found my porn stash and Amelia Earhart's airplane all while she was fixing dinner.

submitted 23 days ago • 6 comments

Nobody is asking why we have to sit on horseshoes in public restrooms.

submitted 17 days ago • 4 comments

I used to be in a band called High Voltage. We performed near places with lots of electricity because that's where the signs were.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

As slick as the roller rink bathroom floor.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments