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jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
From the twelve-winded sky. Profile pic 1972. Discord: jimmerthatisall My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2satfah44msc3khoojnhrvuj/feed/aaab3adsokgse
1,868 posts 13,746 followers 1,927 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

Sleep perchance to stay asleep.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

I'd hit on you but it would be more like a slap...flirting

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

Not sorry, your dog wanted to go home with me when I was leaving. I am pretty awesome.

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

For this situation, popcorn won't be enough. You're going to need at least two hot dogs and a 2 liter of store brand orange soda.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Sometimes I think I'm magical and then i remember everyone's toes float to the top of the bathwater

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

I thought Grandpa was in the back room practicing his harmonica. Turns out that he was having a fatal asthma attack. I'm so embarrassed.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

breaking up is hard to do unless you're a spacex rocket

submitted 13 hours ago • 8 comments

My O-face is the same face I make when I fall backwards off a barstool.

submitted 13 hours ago • 6 comments

Why did the email making fun of the office weirdo go to everyone but me?

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

The fact neither party will release the Epstein files tells you that there is some fucked up shit in there.

submitted 9 hours ago • 9 comments

Got kicked out of the bakery again for cutting into everything while screaming “IS IT CAKE?!?”

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

The Pillsbury Dough Boy has doughnuts

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

Singing Manilow's "Mandy" didn't exactly bring the house down during biker bar karaoke.

submitted 7 hours ago • 6 comments

I remember back when my reflection in the mirror didn’t startle me.

submitted 8 hours ago • 4 comments

I could be funny, smart, or insanely hot, but I chose the path of humility.

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

Big Bird stepped backwards slowly, almost imperceptibly. Elmo cocked his head. “Where birdie going?” he croaked. “Nowhere,” replied Big Bird, eyeing the knife in Elmo’s hand, “nowhere at all.” “Good,” said Elmo, “Elmo loves you!” He smiled, and Big Bird’s blood turned to ice.

submitted 8 hours ago • 25 comments

Wendy's employee: That's a single burger and frosty. Anything else? Maybe some fries for that frosty? Judge: Sir, this is a trial.

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

Wile E. Coyote senses that something’s not right, he KNOWS that something’s not right, but can’t quite put his finger on it. He shrugs, pulls out a pack of Acme Lights, and shakes one out. As he tilts his head towards the lighter, from across the street, he hears a “Meep meep!” ring out like a bell.

submitted 13 hours ago • 8 comments

“So I says to her, I says, Bernice, I think we should see otter people. Ha! I guess you had to be there.”

submitted 16 hours ago • 13 comments

I see dead people. Although according to the charge sheet, the law refers to it as necrophilia.

submitted 358 days ago • 1 comment

i should probably stretch first

submitted 19 hours ago • 57 comments

This day in history. 2006. Children born on 6/6/6 are the spawn of iniquity not because of the Number of the Beast but because they're teenagers.

submitted 365 days ago • 4 comments

a new knives out movie only the entire cast is played by pygmy goats

submitted 12 hours ago • 6 comments

this is wild west, baby, get those semicolons outta here

submitted 14 hours ago • 4 comments

The GOP is like an Oscar Wilde play: The Self-Importance of Being Ernst

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Me: I need to get my life together. Also me: adds another reality show to my watch list and pours a third glass of rosé

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

In summer, I drive with my hands at 11 and 1 so the air conditioner vents point directly at my armpits.

submitted 1 day ago • 32 comments

I can't wait for the 2055 fictional-loosely-based-on-facts version of today's world events

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

I hate it when things aren't where I'm pretty sure almost positive I put them.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

When I close my eyes to sleep, I try to only think of puppies and kittens and Godzilla stomping on Mar-a-Lago.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

bought my dog a new rug, and she has been looking at me like I have helped her achieve nirvana

submitted 21 hours ago • 4 comments

Show me on the doll where they blamed it all on you

submitted 20 hours ago • 2 comments

All the babies squealed in delight as I exhaled a beautiful, billowy cloud from my vape pen into the maternity ward.

submitted 19 hours ago • 6 comments

That awkward moment when the poltergeist in the TV calls you by the wrong name.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Commas, because I want you to breathe when I do.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

sad. you people are slipping

submitted 22 hours ago • 16 comments

if you refuse to open your eyes when you wake up the day isn’t real

submitted 22 hours ago • 10 comments

they better let me keep one leg out when they cryogenically freeze me or i’ll never be able to sleep

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

How far humanity has fallen when black panther is now a white dude This is some blue eyed blonde haired children of the corn bullshit

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

It's funny being remote and hating your job and saying things like "I gotta get out of this place" but the place is like your house

submitted 2 days ago • 27 comments

I've been called a hoot funny way to pronounce hot but okay I guess

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

This phone call could have been a plague of frogs or a burning bush

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

You can always count on me to be openly honest about my stupidity.

submitted 22 hours ago • 2 comments

Kids these days don’t understand how cool it was to have a teen line that was listed in the phone book.

submitted 5 days ago • 8 comments

bluesky's skeeting down the drain

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

My vagina is jaded My heart faded My eyes Beautifully shaded

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Ah funny thing happened... and then years of very unfunny things, with no end in sight.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Whoever named crumpets should have been allowed to name more things.

submitted 2 days ago • 13 comments