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jimmybiscuits.bsky.social
If you’re at my house and have to shit go home West Coast 🇨🇦🇬🇧 that/it Spit takes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uft5tq2vgy3jxzxojtzpgepr/feed/aaahewkuf32zc
434 posts 692 followers 464 following
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Posts 30 Comments 19

Instagram feeding me a “you might know” featuring a toothless dude holding up a fish and a dreamcatcher like OKAY THEN LOL NOOOO

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Those Charmin bears need to calm the fuck down.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I’m the guy who slows my gait so you don’t have to hold the elevator door. See also: pretending to drop my keys

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

HOCKEY RANT How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand? You’re on broadcast TV ffs.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

I just bought this thing on Amazon that sniffs your balls for you… and guys, I am embarrassed wow

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Re: Kars 4 Kids Ads 1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous. 2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip. 3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh

submitted 29 days ago • 2 comments

It’s like NO one on this app gives a blue fuck that it’s GMC Truck Month smh

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

If you love Star Wars so much, why don't you name your baby *Chewbacca sound*

submitted 31 days ago • 20 comments

Hi lol Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”? I feel like some of you have forgotten.

submitted 31 days ago • 1 comment

Thought I’d pop in and let you guys know that I am single-handedly keeping the cinnamon raisin bagel industry alive 1/2

submitted 39 days ago • 1 comment

My dad has passed and now that I’m at the house it’s crazy like WTF ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THIS SHIT MANNNNN

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Hey everyone! I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads. Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS. Anyway, fuck JKFouling. Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Know what guys I’m serious the number one reason Seinfeld is and was an abject and objective failure is because of that unrealistic breakfast cereal shelf I swear to god who are you fooling lol fuck off Jer

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

The surly well-dressed teens laughed, and honestly that felt worse than the nails through my hands and feet.

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

When I meet someone’s kids now, I just bend down and say, “Wow, I bet the other kids at school give you a hard time huh?”

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

Jesus: k, I’m back I guess Me (a member of the HOA): YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE WATER IN THE PUBLIC POOL WITHOUT—OH GREAT NOW IT’S WINE

submitted 186 days ago • 0 comments

That's it. I'm calling it. It's Average-height, Chunky King Summer!

submitted 73 days ago • 15 comments

me and the boys doing humiliating things to your corpse because we all misunderstood what you meant by death before dishonor

submitted 72 days ago • 3 comments

Ugh this is embarrassing… someone just walked in on me taking a dump. Could’ve sworn there was no more room on the bus.

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

Genie: …and your last wish? Me: I want to blow my eyes like I do my nose. Genie: Me: You know, like when you have somethi— Genie: Ya ya I get it, here you go, and jsyk none of this was fun for me where’s that goddamn lamp

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

Just found out Astrud Gilberto died. So sad. 😔 I suppose she’s now The Girl From IpaNoMo’ Okay thanks for reading.

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

Gold

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Just found out Astrud Gilberto died. So sad. 😔 I suppose she’s now The Girl From IpaNoMo’ Okay thanks for reading.

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

“Upcoming Baby” also works

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

i’m losing my shit at this

submitted 93 days ago • 798 comments

Genie: …and your last wish? Me: I want to blow my eyes like I do my nose. Genie: Me: You know, like when you have somethi— Genie: Ya ya I get it, here you go, and jsyk none of this was fun for me where’s that goddamn lamp

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

Y’all might be cool, but are you ‘Chuck D followed you back’ cool?

submitted 101 days ago • 2 comments

A reminder to please always add alt text to images as a service to users like me who can’t recognise any celebrity who became famous in the last ten years

submitted 103 days ago • 199 comments

me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks

submitted 103 days ago • 17 comments

Sorry I was late traffic on the www is terrible right now so anyway did I miss any politics

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments