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jimmybiscuits.bsky.social
If you’re at my house and have to shit go home West Coast 🇨🇦🇬🇧 that/it Spit takes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uft5tq2vgy3jxzxojtzpgepr/feed/aaahewkuf32zc
432 posts 692 followers 464 following
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Posts 29 Comments 20

I’m the guy who slows my gait so you don’t have to hold the elevator door. See also: pretending to drop my keys

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

HOCKEY RANT How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand? You’re on broadcast TV ffs.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

I just bought this thing on Amazon that sniffs your balls for you… and guys, I am embarrassed wow

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Re: Kars 4 Kids Ads 1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous. 2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip. 3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh

submitted 21 days ago • 2 comments

It’s like NO one on this app gives a blue fuck that it’s GMC Truck Month smh

submitted 21 days ago • 1 comment

If you love Star Wars so much, why don't you name your baby *Chewbacca sound*

submitted 24 days ago • 20 comments

Hi lol Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”? I feel like some of you have forgotten.

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

Thought I’d pop in and let you guys know that I am single-handedly keeping the cinnamon raisin bagel industry alive 1/2

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

My dad has passed and now that I’m at the house it’s crazy like WTF ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THIS SHIT MANNNNN

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Hey everyone! I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads. Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS. Anyway, fuck JKFouling. Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Know what guys I’m serious the number one reason Seinfeld is and was an abject and objective failure is because of that unrealistic breakfast cereal shelf I swear to god who are you fooling lol fuck off Jer

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

The surly well-dressed teens laughed, and honestly that felt worse than the nails through my hands and feet.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

When I meet someone’s kids now, I just bend down and say, “Wow, I bet the other kids at school give you a hard time huh?”

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

Jesus: k, I’m back I guess Me (a member of the HOA): YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE WATER IN THE PUBLIC POOL WITHOUT—OH GREAT NOW IT’S WINE

submitted 178 days ago • 0 comments

That's it. I'm calling it. It's Average-height, Chunky King Summer!

submitted 66 days ago • 15 comments

me and the boys doing humiliating things to your corpse because we all misunderstood what you meant by death before dishonor

submitted 65 days ago • 3 comments

Ugh this is embarrassing… someone just walked in on me taking a dump. Could’ve sworn there was no more room on the bus.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Genie: …and your last wish? Me: I want to blow my eyes like I do my nose. Genie: Me: You know, like when you have somethi— Genie: Ya ya I get it, here you go, and jsyk none of this was fun for me where’s that goddamn lamp

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Just found out Astrud Gilberto died. So sad. 😔 I suppose she’s now The Girl From IpaNoMo’ Okay thanks for reading.

submitted 82 days ago • 1 comment

Gold

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Just found out Astrud Gilberto died. So sad. 😔 I suppose she’s now The Girl From IpaNoMo’ Okay thanks for reading.

submitted 82 days ago • 1 comment

“Upcoming Baby” also works

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

i’m losing my shit at this

submitted 85 days ago • 799 comments

Genie: …and your last wish? Me: I want to blow my eyes like I do my nose. Genie: Me: You know, like when you have somethi— Genie: Ya ya I get it, here you go, and jsyk none of this was fun for me where’s that goddamn lamp

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Y’all might be cool, but are you ‘Chuck D followed you back’ cool?

submitted 94 days ago • 2 comments

A reminder to please always add alt text to images as a service to users like me who can’t recognise any celebrity who became famous in the last ten years

submitted 95 days ago • 199 comments

me: (talking out loud while i write in my diary) today was ok, i just wish i could have eaten more breadsticks waiter: *sighs* sir would you like more breadsticks

submitted 96 days ago • 17 comments

Sorry I was late traffic on the www is terrible right now so anyway did I miss any politics

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

I feel so bad for Dolly. The silver lining is she’ll fuckin slay on the dating apps. (too soon?)

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments