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juliebyrd.bsky.social
University of Tennessee fan, chicken herder, lawyer, mother of 3, married to the best husband ever. Dogs are better than cats, and we have both. Lived in Tennessee all my life, but Colorado is my destination.
167 posts 220 followers 114 following
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Posts 47 Comments 2

I ate a kids meal at McDonald's yesterday. His parents were furious.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

I'M SO OLD that I've loaded film into a Kodak camera, wound it forward after every shot… And waited a week to find out my thumb was in the frame!

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Ingenious 😂 FFS

submitted 2 days ago • 277 comments

Shout it out loud! Shout it, Shout it, Shout it, Shout it out loud.

submitted 2 days ago • 10 comments

Switching from Trump’s Amazon to the more diverse, equitable, and inclusive Costco is easier than you think. I made the switch. Now everything I need is delivered by Costco right to my door in two hours instead of two days - and without supporting oligarchs!

submitted 5 days ago • 418 comments

My wife asked for something with diamonds in it for her birthday, so I bought her a deck of playing cards

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

When my children say “Dad, where's Mum" that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor, I'm going straight above your pay grade”.

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

I just got hired at a company that makes bicycle wheels!! I'm the spokesperson.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Why is there always a shop selling luggage at the airport? Who is going on vacation, carrying armfuls of clothes, saying, I'll pack when we get there?

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?" The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it"

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

My neighbour just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Someone tried to sell me a coffin today. I said that's the last thing I need.

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

If you die and get cremated, you can be put into an hourglass and still be included in family game night

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

For those who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they're making a male version... it doesn't listen to anything.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I'm in search for someone to assist with milking cows on my dairy farm. Must work well with udders.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

The worst pub I've ever been in was called The Fiddle. It was a vile inn.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

❤️

submitted 6 days ago • 463 comments

What you get when you let the man cook pancakes. One pancakes the size of a 12" pan.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Fridays, despite all the chaos, we generally feature Fox around here. Something to remind you It's a world worth saving

submitted 8 days ago • 19 comments

One day I'll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I asked my wife if she loved me for my face or my body. She laughed and said it was for my sense of humor.

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

If you spell the words "absolutely nothing" backwards, you get “Gnihton yletulosba", which means absolutely nothing.

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

Most bald people still own a comb. They just can't part with it.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I asked my wife why she married me. She said: "Because you're really funny." I said: "I thought it was because I'm good in bed." She said: "See! You're hilarious."

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for 3 weeks.

submitted 15 days ago • 4 comments

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: Duck, eggs! I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me.

submitted 14 days ago • 1 comment

My friends laughed at me when I said I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well, the last laugh is on them because they're imaginary too.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Anyone out there interested in buying my Delorean ? Great condition, low mileage.. .. really only driven from time to time.

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

Just signed a new law to promote Kei truck freedom in Colorado! This expands access to affordable, fuel-efficient transportation options, helping Coloradans save money and get where they need to go. Excited to join 38 other states in breaking down barriers for Kei vehicles!

submitted 22 days ago • 6 comments

At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, "I like it well done." I said, "Thanks. That means a lot."

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

For those who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they're making a male version... it doesn't listen to anything.

submitted 28 days ago • 3 comments

Why doesn't Wendy's make square buns?

submitted 28 days ago • 31 comments

Your Daily Affirmation: I am connected to all things and all things are connected to me. Every atom in my skin interacts constantly with every adjacent atom and I am separated from the universe only by my ego, which is a burden I endeavor to let dissolve. For now, with coffee.

submitted 28 days ago • 12 comments

Why the belt? Asking for a friend...

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Did you hear about the nun with the bad habit? She just got a new one.

submitted 32 days ago • 10 comments

Scalia wrote this folks. SCALIA!

submitted 46 days ago • 61 comments

After many recommendations, I finally started watching the Star Wars show Andor. I found this moment from season 1 to be particularly relevant. What do you think?

submitted 38 days ago • 229 comments

Hi, I'm God. Human beings should not be thrown into prisons without due process. Even Jesus got a hearing.

submitted 36 days ago • 282 comments

All of us older folks know all about living on the edge, we used to answer the phone without knowing who it was.

submitted 41 days ago • 6 comments

It was fun visiting my son and his partner in Chicago. But, alas, we have to get back home for work calls. My favorite picture of the whole trip...three Gen Zs just having fun walking the streets of Southport

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Espresso porn. Left: mocha latte; right: latte. Courtesy Geraldine's, Lincoln Park, Chicago, IL.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Made it! Wrigley Field !

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments