Profile avatar
mentalerrorist.bsky.social
*screams into an unending void* *void screams back* "Huh. Yeah, I expected something like that."
111 posts 139 followers 161 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter

So far I think we've learned that Hesgeth's qualifications for Secretary of Defense are that (1) God has forgiven him for any of the drinking and sexual assaulting he's done and (2) he really wants it, so stop being mean.

Her: Let's go for a walk Him: Can't, uh, baseball's on Her: Baseball in January? Him: Winter baseball. They use a snowball Her: You could've just said no Him: When they slide into home they use a sled Her: *leaves* Him: *yelling* The dugout literally needs to be dug out!

Do you ever wonder if Gordon Ramsey has a satisfactory meal? Like, goes to the movies with his kids and *doesn't* berate the staff for his popcorn being too salty?

Bizarre capitalization, but very accurate.

This is really bad www.nytimes.com/2024/12/15/b...

Land doesn’t vote. Stop pretending it does.

With MAGAs, you just reverse every word to get the truth: “When Americans chose Donald Trump in one of the narrowest popular votes in history—49.81% to 48.33%—they sent a muddled message. It’s time for either no or incremental change, and the worst place imaginable to start would be Tulsi Gabbard.”

Anonymous source have informed me that Nancy Mace once got so mad at a Starbucks cashier for not saying "Merry Christmas" that she shit herself all the way into her shoes. She then put the shoes in her purse, at which time everyone started saying "you stink shitpurse" and she cried

Doctor: So what happened? Me: Guy at the bar stabbed me when I was trying to defend my wife’s honor Wife: No Me: I rescued a baby from a fire and the fire had a knife Wife: No Me: Tiffany came on while I was cooking and I started dancing and accidentally stabbed myself Wife: There it is

Accurate:

Just saw an argument online about 3D-printed arms and I’ll be honest it took me longer than it should’ve to realize what the argument was actually about

Today’s monologue

Happy birthday to the 3rd most over-rated "poet" in American music.

okay so in the top left corner hit file and then go down to export. what do you mean you can’t see it? like the whole screen is black? is the computer on? okay turn the computer on. okay. mom I don’t know your password. mom. mom. why did you bring me into this world mom.

I related to hard to this I nearly had to pour a drink/move across the country/burn down my local telecom.

This is becoming very relevant. I'm getting buried under bot accounts and can't seem to make them unfollow me.

Finally caught the Elf on the Shelf. This bitch is going straight into the snowblower.

BREAKING: NYPD has located the tunnel the assassin used to escape the city but found it to be merely a painting on a brick wall and smashed up several squad cars upon trying to enter it

Work hours should be adjusted based on available sunlight. You can have 9-5 in the summer, but in winter I'm not leaving the house in the dark and I better leave and get home while it's still light out.

This would undermine every last bit of integrity Biden has, and make the rule of law into a complete joke. www.msnbc.com/jonathan-cap...

*books flight to Monaco* *sprints to race track* *gasping for breath* Your….your mom

If we agree that Heaven is above us & Hell is below us, then it makes sense that winter is caused by Hell freezing over (while it leaks up into the Earth) and summer occurs once Hell thaws out & warms back up again. Therefore, snowmen are actually demons. In this essay,

Anybody know if there's a way to soft block accounts here? Just got followed by a bunch of bots.

Sorry I haven't kept in better touch it's just that the past is dead and the inescapable current of time swiftly carries me away

you’re laughing? a wealthy CEO who profited off of the health concerns and often worst moments of millions of peoples lives got shot point blank in broad daylight and they can’t find the suspect bc too many people wanted him dead to narrow it down and you’re laughing?

*I'm young, like single-digit young*: "Holy fuck, Old Man Harvey Keitel is fucking awesome!" *I'm old, like 40+*: "Holy fuck, how is Harvey Keitel still this awesome?!"

There are maybe like a dozen celebrities who I *need* to not turn out to be terrible people. - Ron Perlman - Danny DiVito - Rhea Perlman - Doug Jones - John Cena ...who would you add to the list?