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qwertying.bsky.social
I’m just alone with my thoughts—and frankly, that’s a hostile work environment. ♥️ @skedaddle74.bsky.social 🍄 Current bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo 🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
5,974 posts 4,099 followers 855 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

When talking to me, you have to realize I’m not a morning person at 3 PM.

submitted 18 minutes ago • 0 comments

“We should hang out sometime” is just a polite way to say I hope we never see or speak to you again.

submitted 20 minutes ago • 1 comment

The real mystery is how modern humans survive daily life without walking into sliding glass doors.

submitted 27 minutes ago • 1 comment

We put warning labels on lawnmowers saying, “Do Not Use to Trim Hedges” because my next door neighbour absolutely did.

submitted 48 minutes ago • 0 comments

Think about how dumb the average person is. Now remember that half of them are worse and some of them run out government.

submitted 55 minutes ago • 0 comments

If ignorance is bliss, then our modern society is basically a fucking spa day.

submitted 57 minutes ago • 0 comments

The fact that “Do not eat’” has to be printed on anything uneditable is proof that evolution is just a suggestion.

submitted 59 minutes ago • 0 comments

They say “to err is human,” but if that’s true, I must be extremely human.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

If they’d just admit they’re *both* desperate for approval, they could reconcile over a mutual ugly-cry session. (But ego is one thing even money can’t fix).

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Elon’s daddy issues are showing again. First PayPal, now Trump—when will he stop chasing older men who disappoint him?

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Elon called Trump a "drama queen." That’s like a flamethrower complaining about a candle being "too extra.”

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Whenever I start losing an argument, I drop down into the splits and punch them under the loincloth.

submitted 3 days ago • 15 comments

A dad sneeze so powerful, they have to adjust the 10 day weather outlook.

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

Their feud proves money can’t buy: - love, - loyalty, - or a functional personality.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

The real tragedy? We have to hear about it —in real time.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Before accepting any job offer, pause and think that they are dumb enough to hire you.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Breaking News: Two men with the emotional intelligence of a Tesla Autopilot System were shocked that their friendship crashed.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Their feud is the only thing they’ve built faster than a half-baked social media platform.

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

We are the universe’s way of proving after billions of years of trial and error, we can still produce a species that puts milk in before cereal.

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to pull out right now

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

*chokes on your alibi*

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

When I said I really liked old wood, I wasn’t referring to you.

submitted 15 hours ago • 2 comments

Look, I don’t know where you saw those skeets, but they’re not mine. I’m being set up!

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

We’ll probably achieve immortality just in time to really regret it.

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

They need to settle this like real men. Cage match.

submitted 16 hours ago • 28 comments

I look forward to more idiots clubbing each other over the heads and pulling each other's pants down.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

I had no idea I squirted until I was single and did it to myself. I’m ready to shoot an eye out.

submitted 183 days ago • 6 comments

Hopefully we don't get to the revenge porn stage of this breakup

submitted 16 hours ago • 14 comments

Chronic pain is tearing up my back today. I feel completely dysfunctional and drunk, but in a sad way, lol.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Remember Orville Redenbacher from popcorn? He'd be 118 now if he wasn't dead. Feel old yet?

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

They say “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” but fuck that if she wearing four inch stilettos.

submitted 16 hours ago • 1 comment

Cat fight, but it’s those two pussies.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

If three of my morning skeets each hit 100 likes I’m posting brain

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Show me on the doll where they blamed it all on you

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

My lunch ended or You can return to having fun without me.

submitted 18 hours ago • 4 comments

It must be difficult to fight inside a horse costume when you're both the ass.

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

With mommy and daddy fighting, jd’s foreskin is getting quite a workout today.

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

letting the chips fall where they may but it’s just me eating chips in bed again

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

This stupidity moves so quickly, we'll know if it's real within 6 hours.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

The dolphins are going to leave any day now.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

The only thing I love more than being wrong is the dramatic pause before someone rubs it in.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I wish they wouldn't fight. You know, for the children's sake.

submitted 17 hours ago • 2 comments

Nothing pairs better with my foot in my mouth than a crisp glass of “I told you so.”

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

It's not pathetic to be empathetic.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment