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robprocks.com
musician, comedian, utility outfielder
250 posts 144 followers 146 following
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Posts 39 Comments 11

You won this round, Monday, but I’ll be back!

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

Tostitos Scoops should be called “About 5 Full Scoops and a Bagful of Crumbs”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Thanks to this BBC pic of Hamas fighters we now know where ICE gets its styling tips 👀 www.bbc.com/news/article...

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I love when the airlines ask me—2 days before I fly—if my plans are flexible. Nope! You know when they were flexible? When I was booking the dang ticket

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I’m glad Fetterman, Schumer, et al passed the CR back in March, otherwise things might’ve gotten really bad!!

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Hello, I’m from the High Agency and I’m here because… um, I forgot

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I will not settle for the status Cuomo!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

You jest, The Onion, but Reddit was instrumental in me figuring out I’m allergic to the pleather in my office chair 😬 (I didn't upload any pics tho, I'm not a monster!)

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

“Seriously Sharp”? When I own a cheese company my brief is gone be “yeah, make it sharp but, you know, have fun with it.”

submitted 14 days ago • 1 comment

I totally forgot I did this Russian folk song about Trump back in 2017. It’s even more true now than it was then. Note to self: sounding the alarm is ineffective via the medium of satirical songs www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0iU...

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

I accidentally said “mega-pickles” and now it’s all I can think about

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Which is why, more than ever, we need a collection of comedy music videos based on US history and cultural trends! youtu.be/aYJd-r3awzo

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

There was an optics festival and I wasn’t informed?

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

We have always been at war with Tim Apple

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

That explains why the cops followed me while I was humming the Pretenders’ “Back on the Chain Gang” 😲

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Tune in live! youtube.com/live/LL0lcrv...

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone knows Habeas Corpus is the side project of Krokus and Hoobastank

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Tuesday, May 20 in Midtown Manhattan! I will be playing some songs in this songwriters in the round show that has a stellar lineup! Haven’t performed much this year due to family obligations, looking forward to playing some music 🤘

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

America loves con artists! This is from my video special last year:

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

This email is from a multibillion dollar corporation 🤦‍♂️ "Your Amazon Prime membership has expired, and you cannot rejoin for $14.99 a month plus any taxes." The *very next* sentence: "Rejoin for $14.99 a month here" Pay your CEO a few million less and hire some proofreaders!

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Pitching this series in my next meeting w/ NBCUniversal…

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

“Uncle Grok” to the tune of “Haply Jack”

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

I feel like I need to find a support group for people who don’t think Andor is so great. If we schedule it the same night as the group who’s not that into The Bear that would be ideal

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

As if I needed another reason to dislike Mayor Adams 🙃 (h/t to @hellgatenyc.com—new subscriber here!—for reporting on the Adams corruption evidence dump)

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

It’d be wild if it’s the jet that Sarah Palin tried to sell on eBay

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

So the Prez basically says “I want the Ted Danson plane!” And Qatar was like “sure!”

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

My grandparents had to flee that zone 😬

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

New Pope is the Bishop of Chiclayo in Peru but everyone keeps spelling it Chicago. Freakin’ autocorrect

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Which one of my predictions will come to pass?!?!

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

The Beatles’ Let It Be, released on May 8, 1970, 55 years ago 🤓

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Posting this 8th of May short so you have plenty of time to share with all your friends tomorrow 🤘

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

Fly DFW! Where 2 hours of thunderstorms turn into 9 hours of delays! (never flying again! until next month of course when I have to)

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

With delays and cancellations I’ve been sent to terminals B, C, D, and now A; if the next change sends me to terminal E I’ll be a perfect 5 for 5 at DFW!

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

“Baby in a Bar!” 🎶🤘 Creepy, crawling wind-up baby lyric video for Baby in a Bar youtu.be/H1wU1ymInRE

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Check me out ballin’ over here with like a dozen pencils!

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

I think you spelled “syphilitic” wrong 😜

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

🍊 No one’s gonna be saying “happy holidays” this year! 🙋Did you bring back “merry Christmas”? 🍊Nope! Took away “happy!”

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Wait, they're gonna try to put submarines in the parade? 😬

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Dear Samsung, re: your tv ads Good sleep ≠ morning person. Yours, The night shift

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments