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shevitzsays.bsky.social
I talk a lot for someone who has nothing to say.
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I named my two kiddos with first initials of S & M. And I love them dearly, but I did not think this thing through.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

So I just let my toddler’s bunny wake him from a nap. Totally tantrum free! Turns out it’s just daddy and me he doesn’t like waking up to.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

Breaking: The Trevor Project received a stop-work order last night on its contract with the national 988 suicide prevention hotline. The Trump administration is eliminating the option for LGBTQ callers to the hotline to press 3 and connect with someone who specializes in LGBTQ mental health.

submitted 4 days ago • 261 comments

Remember folks, women are too emotional to be president.

submitted 17 days ago • 38 comments

White smoke means pope. Pink smoke means Taylor Swift just dropped a new era

submitted 45 days ago • 3 comments

Since when did the job of each sitting president become “owning” the losing side 24/7?

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

He’s got lug nuts to spare.

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

Twenty-something barista asked me if I was a teacher. I asked why and she said bc I look familiar. I look like a teacher she had 😳 IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Man, I’ve got to stop skipping makeup in the mornings.

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

"how bout i break my foot off in your ass?" 🥴

submitted 47 days ago • 1 comment

Would you look at that it’s half past meds

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

He’s so unskilled he couldn’t even find my cliche.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

until further notice i will be speaking in cliches. how long? as long as it takes time to heal all these wounds.

submitted 47 days ago • 1 comment

as it turns out, in addition to being a goddamn arms race, this IS a scene.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

Oh wow. Sign language for “bastard” is eeeeeerily close to “dad.” Huh.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

Just learned sign language for “bitch.” I’m sure it’s only a coincidence the gesture resembles the one for “mom.”

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

Daydream. I fell asleep beneath the flowers. For a couple of hours. On a beautiful day. [And then I had to get an allergy shot, snort Flonase, and drink a bottle of Benadryl.]

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

If Princess Leia crossed over with Taylor Swift

submitted 49 days ago • 2 comments

my kiddo just buried his face into the belly of his stuffy and screamed at the top of his lungs. Even at 11 months old he understands.

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

I thought May promised flowers, NOT an abundance of liquid precipitation.

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Trump on what he says to people who say he's taking the country in an authoritarian direction: "I won the election ... they had their chance at the election, and they lost big."

submitted 49 days ago • 217 comments

A crawfish boil in this economy?! Nah bruh we gonna roly poly boil this bitch

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine a lukewarm can of Mellow Yellow getting cat called by a thimble of tequila that’s being fanned by the Morton’s salt girl and there you have my margarita.

submitted 50 days ago • 1 comment

A “suicide” fountain drink is the meth of sodas. Don’t ask me why… I don’t make the rules.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

😳 Who remembers him very clearly as Weird Al Yankovitch? #mandelaeffect

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

The Golden Girls didn’t live in Florida, they survived it

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

This Bad Hair Day has lasted at least a month

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Only thing keeping me going is this coffee and my righteous indignation.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

This Dr. Pepper tastes like I’m done working for the rest of the day.

submitted 52 days ago • 1 comment

Always thought the kid in Big Daddy ordering 30 packets of ketchup was way too unrealistic… until I became the mom of a toddler.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

What’s this on my desk? It’s my emotional support pile of pens.

submitted 53 days ago • 1 comment

My spirit animal is currently a toddler who is searching for food that fell into his crotchal region.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

How rude is it that today is only Wednesday?

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Just ordered myself a pair of rose- colored sunglasses. These optimistic opticals better fix my life.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Chop the whole damn head off.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments