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stuartlaidler.bsky.social
Holding out hope for a Muppet Movie starring Nicolas Cage.
1,048 posts 307 followers 360 following
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I wish a former friend hadn’t blocked me on socials as this describes the sociopathic fucking turd’s mindset to a T.

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

I have a joke about Thomas Hobbes, but it's nasty, brutish, and short.

submitted 7 hours ago • 4 comments

Linford Christie once asked me for directions in Jarrow.

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

Kemi Badenoch has placeholder text energy

submitted 8 hours ago • 8 comments

I saw a vampire in Amsterdam. True story.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The cats are helping us paint.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Cuddle puddle:

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Bumblebee with saddlebags:

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I’m trying to go an entire month without using any euphemisms for masturbation. Touch wood.

submitted 4 days ago • 18 comments

🤯

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Happy Blaydon Races day to fellow Geordies everywhere.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I’m tempted to go to the USA on my holidays so that I can enjoy being in a nation even more determined than the UK to shoot it’s own dick off and then noisily complain about having no dick.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Four tentacle pots still available on my website www.roseschmits.com

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the gutter.

submitted 6 days ago • 8 comments

It would fit the whole “inept galoot” vibe of Trump for whomever he sends to hurl Musk out of a window to spectacularly and cartoonishly fuck it up and tumble publicly to their own death.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Just walked past a cat doing a massive shit in the centre of someone’s lawn, whilst maintaining unbroken eye contact with the increasingly frantic dog barking at the window. Respect.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Everyone stop what you’re doing and go and see The Ballad of Wallis Island. It’s absolutely incredible.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

The Polish foreign minister, a writer and journalist who covered the Soviet war in Afghanistan in the 1980s, clearly knows a thing or two about a patiently-timed response.

submitted 8 days ago • 231 comments

“…and we’re getting reports that the President has asserted ‘He who smelt it, dealt it.’ More on this as we get it…”

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha (breath) hahahahahahaha

submitted 8 days ago • 674 comments

If Trump dies in the next 3 months then it shows corporate power beats state power in the US. If Musk dies in the next 3 months then it shows the opposite. Personally I’m hopeful that they successfully assassinate each other.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

OH MY GOD

submitted 8 days ago • 118 comments

I regret to inform you that I am no longer the most handsome man with Parkinson’s disease: www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Prelude to a fight.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I’m told that Parkinson’s means that I’ll have to cut blue cheese out of my diet. My brain scan to confirm the diagnosis is in two weeks. Until then, I am absolutely windmilling Cabrales into my face hole.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Shout out to Ash Regan’s PR team, who will be spending most of today figuring out how to spin this so that their client doesn’t look thicker than a Boxing Day turd.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

We were never meant to have this much access to the thoughts of absolute bellends.

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

“it’s quite simple; either you keep tickling *my* tummy, or I unsheath the claws on the paw currently sunk several inches into *your* fat fucking gut. Your move monkey. Your move…”

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

I feel sorry for Aretha Franklin because she turned down the chance to earn billions from my rewrite of Walk On By. If you fancy something nice to eat. Vegetables, mash, filling of meat. Shepherds Pie…

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

Will they give me a printout of my brain scan do we think?

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

I find that some of the symptoms of Parkinson’s include depression, anxiety, and wild mood swings. If it wasn’t for my arm shaking, they’d have no way of differentiating between my symptoms and my normal, background levels of dickishness.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

This is the coolest sentence I’ve ever read on an NHS letter. A brain scan in the nuclear medicine department sounds both cool, and like the lead into a 50s B movie.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

He’s right; you will have enormous fun listening to it. I mean, maybe not the surprise pun run, but other than that…

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Came back on here after a few hours away just to see somebody I like a lot has had to take themselves away from here because of the abuse they’re getting for merely existing. Fix your hearts or die.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments