williamgarrison.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

It's really hard to say what my wife does for a living. She sells seashells by the seashore.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day: bought a bing, bought a boom.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

RFKs new committee:

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. "Uno... dos..." And poof, he vanished without a tres.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

It’s a shame they don’t built a lot of things here in the US anymore… I bought a new TV and it said “Built in Roku,” I don’t even know where that is!

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year? A trophy.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm.' I said: 'Inch-high knees?' He replied: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Bye, Felicia

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

How do you tell a chemist from a communist? Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Looks weird and creepy and interesting, I dig it.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

MRW my rabbit gets on the counter again www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrE1...

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

This is a classic joke to open with.

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Capitalism is getting out of hand.

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a tough sentence.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Trump continues to hire the best people, I said sarcastically.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Thoughts and prayers.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

Been mourning the loss of a very good doge, our Shiba Inu named Zsa Zsa. She was 14 years old, and we loved her and miss her very much.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Ope!

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

My mother-in-law had issues climbing our stairs all the time, so we installed a motorized chair for her. That thing drives me up the wall.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep, just like grandpa. Not screaming in fear like the passengers in his car.

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Introducing my son to card games.

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

If anyone finds me deceased soon, just know that the pollen in Georgia is to blame.

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

Played in a coaches soccer tournament on Friday. My team went 1-1, and had tons of fun. Raised a bunch of money for kids soccer scholarships.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

I briefly worked as a postman, but decided to quit on my first day. I went to deliver my very first letter, looked at it, and said, “this isn’t for me.”

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

A truck carrying Worcestershire sauce crashed at an intersection, so someone called 911. Dispatcher: “911, what’s your emergency?” Caller: “It’s hard to say.”

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

Keep the Tesla competitors coming, you love to see it.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

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submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

I turned 39 recently, and because of a hospital visit for my son, wasn’t able to celebrate properly. My wonderful wife setup a surprise birthday party, which was amazing. Close friends, a bunch of food and drink, was a great time. 2025 hasn’t been all bad.

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

So be good for goodness sake.

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

The guy at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone. He replied: "Fine, suit yourself."

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments