xenndad.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

give a man a fish and you are generous make him pay for it and you are sell fish

submitted 129 days ago • 16 comments

getting visited by three ghosts but they're not here to teach me a lesson they're just lonely and like my cooking

submitted 129 days ago • 8 comments

The mess is coming from inside the house

submitted 135 days ago • 0 comments

My Kid: Can we work out together? What I picture happening: (I show my kid how to do a beginner push up and beginner plank) What actually happens: (Kid gets bored halfway through and fires Nerf darts at my head while I try to hold a plank)

submitted 140 days ago • 0 comments

Me: How dare you shit in my living room Dog: How dare you shit in my porcelain drinking fountain

submitted 140 days ago • 0 comments

I always have a glass of milk before bed, only it’s frozen and called ice cream

submitted 140 days ago • 3 comments

Kids will use any excuse to fight, mine are currently arguing over whose fever is higher

submitted 140 days ago • 2 comments

there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die

submitted 148 days ago • 1 comment

Dry January but it’s just my skin

submitted 140 days ago • 29 comments

2yo: mom can you get me popsicle? Wife: not a popsicle, but I can get you something 2yo: a popsicle?

submitted 141 days ago • 0 comments

Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

submitted 142 days ago • 3 comments

JACK: falls down, breaks crown JILL: tumbling after i told you to quit trying to make fetch happen

submitted 142 days ago • 3 comments

Well whose fault is it!?

submitted 142 days ago • 2 comments

My favorite part of Star Wars is when the angry guy was like "call me daddy"

submitted 142 days ago • 9 comments

daughter: look daddy, I made you this picture! me: aw honey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this

submitted 142 days ago • 12 comments

for sale: horn never tooted

submitted 142 days ago • 2 comments

Get in loser we're defying gravity

submitted 142 days ago • 5 comments

As soon as my 7-year-old got home from school, he took off his shirt and said, “Ahhhhh, fresh air in my armpits. That’s the good stuff.”

submitted 142 days ago • 5 comments

A friend just finished her 10th Ironman event And I just fell over after getting both feet stuck in the same pants leg

submitted 142 days ago • 27 comments

My kids built a fort, then asked if I would buy them a mini fridge for it, so I guess I'm not getting that corner of the living room back

submitted 142 days ago • 1 comment

My family crest is an ice pack next to a heat pack across a field of advil.

submitted 141 days ago • 1 comment

People who don’t have a favourite stove top burner are serial killers

submitted 141 days ago • 6 comments

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain or absolutely crush it as an antihero with layers of complexity.

submitted 141 days ago • 0 comments

When more than five bubbas gather, it’s called a Hubba of Bubbas

submitted 141 days ago • 20 comments

at least once a week Parent of my kid’s classmate and new best friend while shaking my hand: Hi. I’m Liz. I’m Cindy’s mom. My brain, recording this info: Hi. I’m [redacted]. I’m [redacted]’s mom. #parenting #parentsky

submitted 141 days ago • 0 comments

The bit in a Metroid game where Samus gets injured and loses all her equipment but it's me spilling hot water on myself when making spaghetti

submitted 141 days ago • 4 comments

Isn’t it disappointing when you go to give blood and they don’t take all of it?

submitted 141 days ago • 15 comments

My mind swirls in an eddy of fear, anxiety, and exultation. It’s only now that I truly understand how a bank robber or a smuggler must feel in the last moments before the crime. I take a deep, calming breath, and slowly place the eleventh item on the belt of the express register.

submitted 144 days ago • 13 comments

Starting to worry it's not in the cards for me to "take my lunch on the veranda"

submitted 147 days ago • 11 comments

The neighborhood kids have set up some kind of friend council and there's already some Lord of the Flies stuff going down

submitted 147 days ago • 4 comments

I would have thought the doldrums would have a good beat

submitted 147 days ago • 3 comments

Me at 29: (Falls several feet onto my face into dirt, gets back up and continues running 10.5 mile obstacle course) Me at 39: (Sleeps funny, has difficulty lifting a gallon of milk for a couple hours due to resulting back pain. Generally finds walking a chore before my second cup of coffee.)

submitted 147 days ago • 0 comments

meeting omniscient being OB: you may ask me a single question about anything in the univ- Me, interrupting: has anyone ever actually used the dryer’s “damp” setting?

submitted 147 days ago • 0 comments

My kid saw some fingerless gloves yesterday and was very concerned that people chopped off fingers to wear them.

submitted 147 days ago • 2 comments

It’s Saturday night. I highly recommend you introduce your cats to a rousing game of hungry hungry hippo and share with the rest of us how it goes.

submitted 148 days ago • 1 comment

ME: where do you live HER: boulder ME [louder and with more confidence]: WHERE DO YOU LIVE

submitted 148 days ago • 4 comments

a realistic cookbook where every recipe starts with "step 1: clean up your kitchen"

submitted 148 days ago • 117 comments

Interviewer: On your resume under skills you wrote "Good boy...?” Dog: Yes, and I have references.

submitted 148 days ago • 4 comments

Every time I looked at the weather app today, it said that the snow was stopping in an hour. It snowed all day. If the app could talk, it would have been saying, “No, just one more hour, man, I swear, just trust me, just trust me, I swear, it’s stopping next hour, for reals this time”

submitted 148 days ago • 0 comments

Family begging me not to go into the light but it's the refrigerator light and I'm going to get that last piece of cheesecake.

submitted 148 days ago • 9 comments

Air Friar

submitted 148 days ago • 39 comments

Math is more fun if you throw a few Roman numerals into the 𝐌𝐈𝐗.

submitted 148 days ago • 22 comments

"chess* is fun!" - my 2yo chess (n.): placing the pieces slowly one by one onto random spaces on the chessboard and then, once complete, kicking them all across the room.

submitted 149 days ago • 1 comment

Writing tip: After you finish, go back & cut all the adverbs. Then all the adjectives. Then all the other words. Eat the paper. Now you're free.

submitted 150 days ago • 74 comments

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls

submitted 150 days ago • 2 comments

Every time I think about how seven layers are cut through in a cesarean section, I start wondering about what other ways I can compare myself to 7-layer-dip.

submitted 149 days ago • 5 comments

Mike's Hard Caffeineated Baby Formulaᵗᵐ

submitted 149 days ago • 1 comment