So I was at a rave the other day and I had an epiphany... Actually, I should back up a bit first. This will be a 🧵 on exhaustion narratives - ThreadSky

avdi.codes • 55 days ago

So I was at a rave the other day and I had an epiphany...

Actually, I should back up a bit first.

This will be a 🧵 on exhaustion narratives

Comments

glenn.vanderburg.org•55 days ago

Powerful and insightful. I can’t begin to do it justice; what you deal with is far beyond my experience. And I certainly don’t want to take away from the hypothesis that what you feel and refer to as exhaustion is actually anger or hopelessness or something like that. 1/

glenn.vanderburg.org•55 days ago

But it does make me think of an observation my wife has made. For the past 20 years or so she has been caring for two elderly parents (and for 75% of that our kids were still living at home and in school, and I was busy taking care of my own parents). 2/

glenn.vanderburg.org•55 days ago

She noticed that most of her exhaustion was really just being tired of two related kinds of mental activity: making decisions and figuring things out. She was constantly encountering situations where she didn’t know what to do and had to figure out how to approach them, 3/

glenn.vanderburg.org•55 days ago

and she was constantly in the position of decision maker, for herself and four other people. She just wanted to do something straightforward and well defined … and she could find a lot of energy for things like that. 4/4

avdi.codes•55 days ago

I can definitely appreciate that. I feel like my role in most of my spheres is "local center of executive function"

glenn.vanderburg.org•55 days ago

Right. And dancing doesn’t require any of that. And what’s more — I’m guessing — it helps you turn off the part of your mind that’s always thinking about what’s next.

avdi.codes•55 days ago

I work harder than anyone else I know.

I don't say that lightly. I find it highly implausible, so I've asked around. Everyone's like "no, Avdi, you do more than anyone I know"

alephnaught2tog.bsky.social•55 days ago

I don't know you super well (and you certainly don't need my validation), but I've followed you for quite a few years now and this is extremely obvious even to me.

avdi.codes•55 days ago

I think ARE plenty of people who do more than me - mostly working single mothers with similar kid situations to mine - but by definition people who work as hard as we do don't have time to meet each other.

avdi.codes•55 days ago

Yesterday I got up, got four kids out the door, was on-headset working with my consulting client until 2pm, went straight into content work, then picked up a kid and took them to therapy, then more kid pickups and rides, then made dinner, then was up to 10pm recording video, then got kids to bed

avdi.codes•55 days ago

Ope I ran out of skeet before I got to the end of my day

avdi.codes•55 days ago

I effectively work two full jobs while solo dadding four kids, all with anxiety, ADHD, and varying levels/expressions of autism. If you haven't parented special-needs kids, that's a whole third career just in procuring therapies, constantly helping kids emotionally regulate, 4-hour IEP meetings...

grillades.bsky.social•53 days ago

I’m in a very similar situation. It feels like living in a horror film: you’re plagued by demons only you can see, unable to explain this to others, struggling to maintain the pretense of normalcy to get through the day. All of this on top of the normal stresses of life.

avdi.codes•55 days ago

This has been my life for about as long as I've been an adult. I haven't been responsible for fewer than three other people since I was 20.

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