I’ve been thinking a lot about the messages I was told growing up I’ve realized weren’t true. About how I was pushed to live to be great because otherwise I didn’t count. About how I’ve lived my whole life outrunning my fear of being the broken mentally challenged child. - ThreadSky

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untitleduser.bsky.social • 20 hours ago

I’ve been thinking a lot about the messages I was told growing up I’ve realized weren’t true. About how I was pushed to live to be great because otherwise I didn’t count. About how I’ve lived my whole life outrunning my fear of being the broken mentally challenged child.

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untitleduser.bsky.social•20 hours ago

The schools made me feel so bad about myself for being autistic. The only way to stop that, and the teachers would often compare me to the very challenged children to humiliate me, was to be the best I could in school. I thought work would be the same way.

untitleduser.bsky.social•20 hours ago

And then the workforce turned out to be all about skills I don’t have and never will have. And that old trauma has resurfaced. If I’m not doing the best in a job people admire, do I “count?” And that’s insane. Of course I count. Because my worth has nothing to do with my job.

untitleduser.bsky.social•20 hours ago

I think this is a trauma autistic people know specifically. That we can’t just be okay. We have to be extraordinary. Or we don’t have a right to exist. We’re not accepted unless we’re the best. And I’m not. I’m never going to be anyone who “counts”

untitleduser.bsky.social•19 hours ago

I’ve written two memoirs. Both used my jobs as the framework. The idea that was what counted. And i regret that. They didn’t mean anything except I gained independence the first time.

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