Anyway, I'm sharing all this as an experiment, because I never share, and I'm tired of my own status quo of chewing myself to ribbons in silence. It has never worked.
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I'm so sorry, it must be unimaginably frustrating and hard. So many people I know are in a similar position with family completely brainwashed by media and unable to see how it hurts their loved ones. I really hope she comes around. It's devastating to lose family to brainwashing.
Interestingly I've been seeing more & more videos online about parental estrangement+ the circumstances that lead up to that. I've found them helpful and validating, but so far haven't really found any that gives concrete advice on how to handle the brainwashing scenario. If I find one, I'll share.
Yeah that's very smart. Not to come in swinging. Yeah, I believe this, too. I'm trying to find a place in myself where I can do this and not feel like the sky is falling.
My mother is kind of unique in that she despises punishing Christianity. She only likes kind, forgiving Jesus.
So .... something is going on. She is for sure neurodivergent and just kind of like.. believes her family/husband. She's marinating in the ideology and for her it's reality.
I am also having politics wedge in with a few family members, and I no longer have the resolve to be polite about it. Trump and Republicans are directly making my life worse. I can point to specific executive orders. So if a family member chooses Trump over me, then I am done with that member.
You're on the right track, understanding that what they see is different (because of the people around them and the media they consume). They're victims of a system that was built to distract and misinform people, to prevent us from helping each other or mobilizing to protect each other.
It's been effective (in my experience and in academic studies) to confront people like your mom with the direct personal experiences of someone they care about. "Mom, your niece couldn't get an abortion because of Trump's supreme court justices. Your nephew was pepper sprayed at a peaceful protest."
Even then, one person and one conversation can't overcome the countless hours of Sinclair Broadcasting "news" they've watched. If you have to talk to them, protect yourself, set boundaries, and look for common values to keep the conversation positive. If you have to. :(
Exactly. It's exactly that. And the people who are snowing them know exactly how to do it. They've been doing it for centuries. They know who to get at to disseminate misinformation. They know how to close off other ideas.
I feel this so much, the whole looking insane for being upset at very real problems and the other person just like, not really getting, even if they care. ♡
God yes. It's especially a problem when the alt right playbook has been written to hide that shit. They use secret signs. They deny and move the bar. Plotting out all the steps for them makes you look absolutely insane.
if they won't listen to you & didn't disavow the things that will harm you even after you voiced your concern then it's not your responsibility to bear the anguish of trying to talk them into being better people. if later in life they want to seek forgiveness & rebuild that's on them to initiate it.
I'm in a similar situation, it's hard to deal with family supporting someone who's ideals are so hateful and cause so much suffering. It's also hard to not fully lash out and use harsh/ angry language-when ideally that's what we don't want to be seen as ): trying to figure this out as well.
It SUUUUUUCKS right? You know what won't work but you also want to be true to your feelings. But you also want to do what will create the most positive change. But you also are just FRUSTRATED.
It does, you just want to yell and shame them for being so blind and willfully ignorant, but it'll just hurt them and drive them away which is not ideal either. Trying to work on this in counseling too to see how I can say what I need to even if they don't listen/ how to deal w those feelings
The thing is, they aren't TOTALLY. Their reality was constructed for them by a system for this purpose. They were denied education and fed a specific version of the world since birth. There is a reason they don't broadcast ICE raids.
Giving info that clashes with a worldview from birth is hard
Good point, that makes a lot of sense. It's such a sad, manipulative system. I wish they'd think for themselves and snap out of it. Mine are motivated by religion too thinking it's the right thing to do and they're too scared to do anything else.
oof yeah, sorry to have to deal with this within your own family. it's so hard because at the same you love them, but you stand behind their reasons why they voted for trump and often it ends up with being forced to cut ties with them.
Lacking empathy for others and refusing to learn about the world are problems they have to address if they really mean well. Otherwise, all their goodness is illusory, and you only hurt yourself trying to convince them to be better. They'll see when they're ready to see.
Concentrate on your own well-being and the well-being of the people who genuinely deserve your concern. I am sure you have friends you'd rather help out. They'll be grateful, and you'll be happier.
I absolutely DO need to deal with my own trauma first; you are one hundo right about that. I just feel so stupid putting it off and now it's down to the wire and I am not doing my civic and cultural duty because I'm broken. And that hurts my consciensciousness!!!
That's the thing about my mother. She has empathy but her brain is, how do I put it? It's not watching and listening most of the time. She's in outer space a LOT. And she's SO gullible. She's kind but it doesn't even occur to her that there's other information.
I do not believe there is a combination of words that will convince her to look deeper and build up the skills you insist she possesses. Maybe occasionally mention what good you do and why, and be patient if she asks for more information.
I feel like the internet doesn't understand what media middle America is seeing. Like, her news sources are giving her specific information that paints Trump in a very positive light. So according to the information she has, he's doing good for America.
I can, and will, send her alternate info but these grifters are so good at playing the game that our information looks crazy. It goes against a lifetime of carefully cultivated teachings. There's a reason the kkk operated in the dark.
No, you misunderstand. Not news. What YOU do. Tell her, and if she asks why you're doing it, tell her honestly what you believe you're accomplishing. No matter how crazy it may sound at first blush, if she cares about you, she'll trust you enough to engage with the issues you care about.
You're better than me because I've just about given up with mine 💀
My sister and I had a 7-hour long argument with her because she believes podcasters over the lived experiences of her own kids and I don't think it worked.
Atp 🎺 needs to inconvenience her for her to believe anyone who aint M4GA
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And the thing is, I don't think writing these people off is It. Abandoning them to bad propaganda isn't going to help anybody.
But I'm not The Guy to bring them back. And that's frustrating.
Knowing what questions to ask, and when to ask them, gets easier over time
After a few well-timed “why?”s, when it eventually navigates to a discussion of Values, a heavy-hitter is always:
“Weren’t those stories meant to inspire forgiveness?”
So .... something is going on. She is for sure neurodivergent and just kind of like.. believes her family/husband. She's marinating in the ideology and for her it's reality.
We all construct our reality together, and I have faith in you, and her ❤️
WHAAAAAATTTTTTT lol
But, as I am, a damaged individual, I'm not the person who can keep coming with it. But because there's nobody else to do it, it's my Job. You dig?
My mother is also a victim.
When I can become unattached to it all it's so interesting how culture and brain chemistry and politics all come together to create the situation.
But goddamnit I don't want to LIVE in it!!!! I'm not zen enough for that!
Giving info that clashes with a worldview from birth is hard
And they can't see that these people aren't, in fact, religious; they're just using the language for an end goal.
But I mean, grifters have used socialism for the same purpose. Different people fall for different narratives.
My sister and I had a 7-hour long argument with her because she believes podcasters over the lived experiences of her own kids and I don't think it worked.
Atp 🎺 needs to inconvenience her for her to believe anyone who aint M4GA