the only family members i have left keep proving to me that they have way too much internalized bullshit for me to fully trust them and it's the loneliest fucking feeling in the world
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no, mom, i don't want to go visit the old white man who, last i saw him, said multiple racial slurs. i know you "don't like when he does that," but if you put me in the room with him, i'm liable to slap him and i don't need that stress in my life.
i have SOME leeway for her bc her entire life has been... trauma. so much trauma i'm not going to get into. and it's really isolated and alienated and hurt her at her core to the point she's terrified to stand up to men. but that's not... my problem to handle.
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