something i have been thinking about in myself and others is how snark is the default setting for so much of our communication these days and how much psychic damage it does to us
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I grew up having it exemplified 2 me that humor is based on 'jokes' @ the expense of others, and sarcasm. I was still in school when the feedback that my 'humor' made me a 'bitch' began rolling in. It's been incredibly difficult 2 unlearn, and I repress a LOT of self expression for fear of offending
You're so right! I think it's caused by survivorship bias. Succeeding is so hard rn that most people who succeed, do it inspite of their social insufficiencies, so being rude or assholey has become more commonplace :(
Also this reminded me of this one time as a teenager when my mom was driving me home and SUPER mad at me about something. She was giving me her usual lecture about how “winners always do what they say they’re going to do” blah blah blah 🙄🙄🙄 1/2
I had gotten way too snarky a few years back and had to very consciously reel it in. I'm not a mean person, and I don't need to act like one on the internet. If I wouldn't say it to someone's face, maybe I don't need to say it at all.
i like some sass and snark as much of the rest of us but i really think we have all been successfully wired to come from a place of negativity by default and i fucking hate it
i really think we would all benefit from sitting with how much of the way we communicate is based in putting ourselves above other people in some way and what it is that’s driving us to operate this way
just to sort of detail my own journey with this, i’ve been trying to play close attention to how i interact with my family and i can tell we have ingrained ideas about one-upping each other that stem from being taught our only value came from Being Right
Oh my goodness YES!!!! (you have perfectly described my family growing up)
I accidentally stumbled on something that helped me - one day mid family argument I replied "or you could be nice?" Stunned silence. This led to our mantra with our own kids "it's better to be nice than right"
They roll their eyes, but it does work. My husband's posh school background also had being always right at its core & it has made him a little more aware of how maddening that vibe can be to live with. (God I'm sounding insufferably smug. It's obviously not the whole answer, but it's helped me) ❤️
I think also growing up an autistic poc, Being Right and Winning were concrete ways i could prove my worth when everything else about moving through the world was an enigma to me
It’s something I’ve had to really work on because as a Gen x snark was my default setting. It feels better to be more open hearted and generous in my communications but it does make me feel a bit exposed without that indifference to hide behind
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Most people can't tolerate their narratives being challenged, so they lash out emotionally because the ego is defending itself from narrative harm.
#SocialReform
#CultureReform
#HumanReform
Also YES to this thread!! ❤️💥
I quick whipped my head at her and said, with a playful lilt, “my EAGLE?!” 🦅
I watched the anger melt off of her and after a beat we both laughed. But I know if I had said that snarkily?? Absolute escalation 💥
I accidentally stumbled on something that helped me - one day mid family argument I replied "or you could be nice?" Stunned silence. This led to our mantra with our own kids "it's better to be nice than right"