One thing that I learned about myself much slower than I wish I had is that when I’ve had a formative experience and it has ended, it takes me a while before I can do a related thing in a good, stable way.
Comments
Log in with your Bluesky account to leave a comment
Wow! I am the SAME WAY!! I need time to process. Grieve if necessary. Forcing myself before I’m ready ends badly. It’s so interesting to see you write this out because I’ve never put words to it like this.
I have totally felt this and I appreciate you articulating it in an accessible way. I also like Ayni Institute’s framework of “wintering:” https://ayni.institute/seasonsofleadership/
The first way I learned it was from the emerging/emergent church movement, which I was involved with in various ways from 2005 or so to 2013 or so, depending on where you put that thing’s ultimate end. But in any case, the most formative time for me was 2007-2011, when I was part of several cohorts
And faith communities that were part of that movement in Atlanta. When the last one ended it was not a toxic ending (and some of the others were!) to my knowledge but it was a very sad ending. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Faith community was important to me but I found myself outside it
And even in a city like Atlanta where you might think every possible church type exists, I couldn’t feel right in any of them. I felt too tied to the things we had tried and that I had experienced, for better or worse (both, no doubt).
It took me years before I could go sit in a normal mainline church without feeling like I had to leave. What I didn’t realize about myself for most of those years was that I hadn’t given myself time to deal with my own grief, however it might seem outside those circles, for what we no longer had.
Comments