and im a staunch believer that people engaging with your work shouldnt matter to actually creating it, and you should do it cause you want to, etc. but truly working on fan stuff for a community that im always going to be on the outskirts of feels real bad
im mostly writing this post to complain, as usual, about something only i can choose to do or not do. ive put my creative energy into other things, like my knitting or writing (when im not depressed about that too) but i feel like im letting down a part of myself ive carried with me all my life
got this stupid expensive art degree just to learn im mid at best at art and dont have the discipline to finish things. i dont know how to pull myself out of the hole. maybe in 2025 ill magically find a way
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