I know we need to move her before we move. I also know that's not her. I remember talking about heaven with her once (which I maybe think I sometimes believe in), the only part of its description in the Bible that I can embrace, the Isaiah 65 stuff about being productive and experiencing joy. 6/ - ThreadSky

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kellewatts.bsky.social • 44 days ago

I know we need to move her before we move. I also know that's not her. I remember talking about heaven with her once (which I maybe think I sometimes believe in), the only part of its description in the Bible that I can embrace, the Isaiah 65 stuff about being productive and experiencing joy. 6/

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kellewatts.bsky.social•44 days ago

If that exists, I know she's a different person. Years of disability and trauma narrowed her views and shaped how she related to everything. That church finally started opening it back up. We only got the tiniest glimmer of who she was becoming before she passed, for which I'm grateful and sad. 7/

kellewatts.bsky.social•44 days ago

This is real Gospel of the Kingdom stuff I'm alluding to, the radical in-breaking of the already while still in a body that was so clearly mired in the not-yet (though sometimes breakthroughs happen there too, in bodies, not just minds). I used to be one who believed in this quite fervently. 8/

kellewatts.bsky.social•44 days ago

Now though, on this day in particular, the not yet feels pretty strong. I suspect that it's supposed to, today of all days, or there is no joyful surprise three days later. The annual cyclical ritual remembrance is probably good for us. We learn how to mourn, and how to stop mourning. 9/

kellewatts.bsky.social•44 days ago

For me, I guess I also sing. And make more coffee, and go back outside. The clouds have come while I write this and the air smells just a little colder, wetter. The storm is coming, but it's also not here yet, and I know enough now to enjoy what I've got, the alreadies that I'm blessed with. 10/10

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