1/
When I asked how the night went you gave the tiniest of shrugs.
You: “I’m making it.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
You: *shrugs again*
You turned in bed a bit and I saw you grimace. It was fleeting but I saw it.
You were not okay.
When I asked how the night went you gave the tiniest of shrugs.
You: “I’m making it.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
You: *shrugs again*
You turned in bed a bit and I saw you grimace. It was fleeting but I saw it.
You were not okay.
Comments
Me: “It looks like you’re still in pain.”
You didn’t speak back. Instead I saw your masseter bulging as you gritted your teeth. Then you closed your eyes.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Then, you stilled your youthful body, bracing for another wave of pain.
Your cell phone had been tossed on your lap and was tangled in the covers. But when you moved that last time, it awakened.
That’s when I saw.
You when you weren’t sick. Your smile big and bright with your arms wrapped over the shoulders of an older woman. It was a happy photo.
Her espresso colored skin matched yours. And, like you, she had two big dimples in each cheek. The softness in her eyes, though, was how I knew.
This was your mom.
Me: “Is this your mom?”
You: *tiny nod*
And before I could ask more you added.
You: “But she gone.”
Ooph.
I didn’t know what that meant. Like gone to a place? Gone from this life? Gone from an illness?
But you didn’t say. All you said were those three words.
“But she gone.”
I had examined you and reviewed your chart closely. We were doing all the appropriate things. It would just take time.
And you knew that. You’d been living with this long enough to know that.
Me: “What else can I do for you right now?”
You: *head shake*
I scooted my chair in close and rested my palm on your forearm.
Me: “I am so sorry you’re in pain. We are here for you, okay?”
Your eyes turned to mine.
There was something so tender and child-like in the way you gazed up at me. Even though you weren’t a child at all. Then, suddenly, your face crinkled up.
You: “I just don’t feel good. I just. . . “
And now came the tears. Hard, fast tears.
You let them come, too.