if there's one feeling i've spent the last year or two or three of my life trying to feel less often, it's the sort of... kind of suspicion that makes the barriers go up in the mind. the wall in the head that appears when someone seems like they might be the Other. i hate it - ThreadSky

hikari.noyu.me • 109 days ago

if there's one feeling i've spent the last year or two or three of my life trying to feel less often, it's the sort of... kind of suspicion that makes the barriers go up in the mind. the wall in the head that appears when someone seems like they might be the Other. i hate it

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nekorug.moe•109 days ago

i'm not sure i quite get what you mean exactly, but it sounds maybe like a worldview threat? like, even in positive contexts or for fun things or with someone you "mostly agree with", having that little rocking of the boat of your own identity and view of things can be deeply uncomfortable

nekorug.moe•109 days ago

like, if someone is 90% like me (where relevant) and i see a take i agree with, open up their profile, and then see that 10% somewhere... that makes me question both if i don't belong there or if i am the one who's wrong... and that's probably more true the larger the ratio of like:unlike me is...?

nekorug.moe•109 days ago

the yuri art from a het artist example that @joycestick.bsky.social brought up is interesting... i don't feel that so i dunno, but is it something like "i thought you understood me, but we are actually unlike each other, but maybe even then you understand me... and what does that mean about me?"

nekorug.moe•109 days ago

tell me if i'm at all making sense here or if i'm not understanding you... i'm curious tho

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i think you're probably onto something!

the fact you *don't* get the “yuri thing” (let's call it that for convenience) is very much unsurprising to me, it's what i expected based on our past interactions (from this follows: a past version of me might have been suspicious of you?)

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

“get” in the sense of have experienced. i think you're on the money with your attempt to understand it

kingsolomon180.bsky.social•108 days ago

hikari.noyu.me•108 days ago

meow

cosettefiles.bsky.social•108 days ago

I wish I wasn't braindead from exhaustion right now because this is the most "yep yep yep 100% 1000%" microessay I've seen in a LONG time

hikari.noyu.me•108 days ago

glad to hear it!

joshuashew.bsky.social•104 days ago

I found your thread here while looking for engagement on Bluesky with "Reliable Sources: How Wikipedia Admin David Gerard Launders His Grudges Into the Public Record". What an insightful and thoughtful thread. It was a pleasure to read. I relate to a lot of it. Thank you.

hikari.noyu.me•104 days ago

happy to hear it, thank you for telling me this :)

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i assume this must be a common experience but i do not have a name for it, but it's like...

when you see someone make a point you think you agree with

and then you check their profile, and they seem to be of a Different (e.g.) political persuasion

are they... threatening?

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

if someone seems superficially to have a lot of similarities in what you believe, but you suspect them to Secretly be the Other, does that make them threatening?

by threatening i mean. a kind of discomfort with engaging with what they've written. an unwillingness to interact

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

but also an unwillingness to even fully understand what they're trying to say, like the content itself is somehow potentially toxic and you're in the same room and aren't wearing a mask

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i do not mean threatening in a purely practical sense. if the likes of Ch*ya R*ich*k were to appear in my mentions, i would backpedal as hard and fast out of that as i possibly could, because interacting with them means people are about to send death threats to your house

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i also do not mean threatening in the sense of obviously politically hostile. if someone pops up and their entire thing appears to be "i want [the likes of you] dead" then, obviously, i'm not particularly inclined to want to deal with them, even if the conversation is cordial

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i don't mean even that the person is tedious, or annoying, or whatever.

i mean something i don't have a straightforward word for: *psychologically* threatening. a kind of terror that i must not allow their words to reach me.

this also isn't just or even primarily about politics

ateliermimi.bsky.social•108 days ago

imo this is extremely common but it's also a dangerous reflex because it prevents you building the coalitions you need to actually get stuff done

see also why there are dozens of fringe leftist parties who agree on 99% of everything but are afraid that 1% means the Other is untrustworthy

hikari.noyu.me•108 days ago

yeah 100%

hikari.noyu.me•108 days ago

you can take this too far of course. you do have to be suspicious of the red-browns for example. but

joycestick.moe•109 days ago

This is how I feel about people who draw yuri art when I see that they also draw het porn

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

oh, yeah!! you get it! thank you for this reply

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

i've been kinda struggling for a bit with the fact that i can Feel at some meta level that this political thing *also* extends to fandom/online-anime-culture/etc in my brain, but it's been so long since i've engaged in *either* of those spheres in this way that i couldn't, like, begin to express it

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

these days i instead am like 🤝 if you wanna draw the girls with the big boobs or whatever i am uninterested in your specific sexual motives we Understand Eachother at some kind of frighteningly raw level that we may not ever admit, even if we live in different sexual worlds

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

there's a bit of a tragedy here also that i think the kind of fandom/sexual purity politics effectively blinds people to the fact that the otokonoko likers or whatever are probably, deep in their gut, feeling very similarly about girl anime characters as us "true" transes

aliceweb.xyz•109 days ago

📌

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

oh, i'm glad you saw this, i think we may have touched on something related in the past...

hikari.noyu.me•109 days ago

oh, yes, i definitely did, i'm starting to find the words

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