Does this logline make you want to read the script? If not, what do you think is missing or is unnecessary? #scriptsky - ThreadSky

chadmichaelward.bsky.social • 25 days ago

Does this logline make you want to read the script? If not, what do you think is missing or is unnecessary?

#scriptsky

Today's logline:

BLACK KISS STIGMATA (cosmic horror noir)
In the seedy underground of 1986, a violent ex-con must learn the truth behind his girlfriend’s disappearance before a strange hallucinogenic drug traps him in a hellish fever dream forever.

#scriptsky

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brandontseifert.bsky.social•25 days ago

Heh. Been a while since we gave each other notes on anything. :)

• "The seedy underworld of 1986" made me wonder the story's set, rather than just when.
• Is the "strange hallucinogenic drug" related to the Cosmic Horror promised in the genre? Right now, just reading the logline without the genre—

brandontseifert.bsky.social•25 days ago

—I don't have a way to know this is Cosmic Horror—or even horror at all. (The Noir-edge comes through!) I think I'd be more intrigued if you hint at the otherworldly angle I imagine is in there. For all I know currently, there's no eldritch element in it—and I personally want to know if there is!

chadmichaelward.bsky.social•25 days ago

Good catch on the cosmic horror thing! Will work that into the next draft. Always great to hear from the wicked mind of Brandon. ;)

brandontseifert.bsky.social•25 days ago

Heh. Appreciated! I'm in the pitching trenches right now, so this is very where my mind is at.

(I don't know if it's the drug or the perpetual nightmares that are tied into the Cosmic Horror — but if they are, just changing the descriptors for them might work. I may be way off, though!)

chadmichaelward.bsky.social•25 days ago

The drug is very much connected to it...I'll tweak it.

Whatcha pitching? Comics, film, books?

brandontseifert.bsky.social•25 days ago

Comics, right now. Been working on a variety of stuff the last six months. Podcast drama, TTRPGs, then always back to comics. Trying to get something to stick.

alexanderseibt.bsky.social•25 days ago

Disclaimer: Swiss, not English. Handle with care.

LL makes me feel story and conflict, so I am in.

Genre irritation: First part of LL suggests raw Walter Hill 70s thrill. Second part some kind of dark "Leaving Las Vegas".

"seedy ug" - unclear
"strange" = unknown? toxic? dangerous?

chadmichaelward.bsky.social•25 days ago

To be fair, raw Walter Hill 70s thrill (with a pinch of Gaspar Noé) is absolutely the intended vibe for the first half of the script. I'll rework the second part of the LL to make the cosmic horror part more explicit.

Thanks for the notes, Alexander!

blackbirdranch.bsky.social•24 days ago

Absolutely

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